Rantings of A Bitter Man

"O" Face

2008-02-16T21:32:00.001-05:00

Caught in the act-

Our Ollie Willis

2008-01-14T23:07:00.000-05:00

"Fat, stupid, and universally despised is no way to go through life, son. Especially if you have beady eyes and a little piggy snout for a nose."- Dean Wormer, Animal House

I've returned- in order to deliver a well-earned heap of hawt, sexy ridicule to someone who richly deserves all the enmity he attracts from around the 'sphere. This ludicrous dicknozzle posted that he would prefer if al-Qaeda had crashed jets into the Meadowlands rather than the WTC- exactly like what his body-double, Michael Moore, felt about 9/11. Football is just a game, you pig-nosed retard.

I'm talking about the sniveling pudgeball known as Steven Crager- the stupidly-monickered "Lord Spatula".

7. Lord Spatula, King And Tyrant (Heh- Ed.)

Salary: $33 | PF: 4 | EPP: 10 | OM: google
The undisputed master of the Shite Club play, Lord Spatula is ready to kick your moonbat ass (as soon as you fork out for airfare to Dallas, navigate your way past security at his gated compound, then figure out how to convince the Sherriff's deputies that you should be released on your own recognizance). Plus, he's an awesome dad. - AP

Lord of what, exactly- a lifetime of solitary wasting of Kleenex and hand lotion?

Anyway, I've decided to have a little fun at the expense of this flabby, pockmarked loser...so sit back and enjoy!

Apparently, I earned Count Fatula's unintentionally hilarious ire by down-rating his silly football posts- which he made in a desperate, hit-whoring plea for attention- over at Misha's, after they were all but ignored at his own sad little blog. So after yanking his chain a little when the Eagles humiliated the CowPies in their own house, he began his stint as my new Dancing Monkey.

Lard Lad is the kind of thin-skinned crybaby who will post an insult towards you, then redact or delete your reply- very sporting of him, no? He'd fit right in at HuffPo or Kos with that stuff, I think. Of course, if you've ever observed this gibbering gasbag in his own environs, you'll know of his embarrassing penchant for ~~man-tit~~ chest-thumping, and his eerily autistic chanting of the phrase "come say it to my face"- which gave rise to one of the funniest things ever on the whole wide interweb...

The "Reverend" Incident.

To sum it up, The Pudgeball responded to an invitation to back his mouth up with a pointless invite of his own. Then when it was suggested to meet halfway, Pudgy The Whale backed down.

PWN3D!!!1!!THIRTEEN!1!!

There's one more issue I have with our Cheeto®-caked, spittle-flecked Dancing Monkey- that is the galling use of his child on the front page of his blog, as a slap against his ex-wife. As he himself has put it out there for public consumption, it's fair game for commentary. You have to wonder why a guy is not allowed to give his own kid Christmas presents in person, and custodial restrictions are the obvious thing to come to mind as an explanation. My question is what Piggly Wiggly did to be cut off- is it his obvious difficulties in handling anger, and expressing himself, or is he a kiddy diddler? A Britney Spears Parenting School graduate? A little of the ol' glug-glug, vroom-vroom, thump-thump?

Using your kid as a weapon against your ex- on your blog- definitely puts you in the running for Internet Dad Of The Year™, you pathetic sack of cookie dough.

That brings me to a metacommentary on the whole "Count Fatula" persona- you don't have to be Masters and Johnson to figure this one out, as all the signs are there;

1) Apparent craving for male physical contact even if in the form of a beating

2) Obvious inability to relate healthily to women

3) Constant use of homoerotic imagery

4) Regular use of various epithets for 'homosexual' as insults

My layman's opinion?

Latent Compulsive Cockgobbling, and/or Nutsnuggler Syndrome. Neither one of which has any known treatments or cures.

Honestly- I've never encountered someone more likely to mellow out if he were only able to own up to his insatiable appetite for dick.

Chow down, Spats- I hear they're low-calorie!

UPDATE, 1/16/08, 0025hrs...

It appears I've struck a nerve, as our tubby lil' buddy has banned me from commenting at his site. Oh well- I guess someone else will have to tell him he has a new T-shirt!

B-dee B-dee B-dee, That's All, Folks!

Hmmmm.

2006-03-27T08:49:00.000-05:00

So I'm sure there are plenty of people who have given up- who would rather not continue to fight, struggle, or whatever defines their lives. Some of them kill themselves, some don't, because for whatever reason they can't bring themselves to.

Sometimes I wonder, when something happens like a tour bus plumetting over a cliff, if there are any of those people on board, and if they feel relief. Are they horrified at that final moment, or are they finally free? I know that's an awful thing to think about, but I can't help but wonder. How would I feel if I looked up and saw a 747 about to land on my head- relieved, or remorseful for even envisioning such an easy escape? On my way home this morning from another misadventure, I saw some homeless mental-patients sitting outside Sisters of Mercy shelter smoking their cigarettes...and I envied their apparent oblivion.

Yeah, my depression is particularly monolithic today.

Yeah, that's worse than normal.

(The) New (Left's) Math

2006-01-23T00:11:00.000-05:00

While doing some algebraic calculations in order to determine the potential size of a building I was looking at, I had an insight into the mind of a liberal- apparently, it's all simple math.

For example- the Angry Left's fascination with Hitler comparisons can be mathematically explained as follows:

The Hitlerian Property of Equality

1. Money = the root of all evil

2. Hitler = evil

3. Joooos = money

4. Joooos = evil

5. Jooos = Hitler

Isn't that easy? And as simple as that is, you'd think they'd be happier!

Drive-By Posting

2006-01-14T21:05:00.000-05:00

So I've been enjoying other things in lieu of blogging...

First there was Katie.

Now there's Sarah, who while being altogether hotter than Katie, does not like guns. So instead of combining a little "me" time with some "us" time, I'm spending free time with her and stealing time to get proficient on the new weapons platform.

However, it has been amusing watching Toad Kennedy, the Chappaquiddick Chauffeur, applying the very same "Lithmus Test" he accused the President of using to determine his pick.

How to stay out of power indeed.

A Modest Proposal

2005-12-02T00:52:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, I'm close to giving up.

I am close to giving up on a large portion of the people with whom I am supposed to feel some sense of commonality. I am sidling up to the conclusion that there will be no rapprochement, no final deal struck, no reckoning. On one side, there are people to whom this country- with all it's failings and foibles- is the embodiment of a shared set of ideals that for their absence everywhere else in the world are what brings us here to take part in the American project- that grand petri-dish of checks and balances that has wrought that society which has cured diseases, revolutionized technology, fed the world, and freed untold millions from the Hydra of Nationalism, Fascism, and Communism. Implicit in the actions of millions of immigrants to our shores is the notion that something better lies here- something inherently better because of the way we endeavor to live together.

On the other side, there is a large portion of our society who for whatever pathological reasons pronounce this experiment to be either a failure, or to be simply unworthy of having been embarked upon at all. They are the people who view Democracy, and all it entails (yes, even free-market capitalism!) as no better or worthy of promotion than enforced collectivism, or Islamic theocracy. They are quite literally "The Other Side".

In The Other Side's zeal to bring down the current administration, they have done a 180 from the former stance of the traditional left- that America ought to go forth and aid the world's struggling peoples with our bounty. Now, even though to desert Iraq would mean disaster in every awful sense of the word to the same people they used to make the centerpiece of their lofty rhetoric- not to mention the entire region, the New Left wants to take our ball and go home.

On our side, and the side of the Iraqis, are the people who know (having learned this first-hand or or by the lessons of history) that so much as flinching from the threat posed by Muslim Facists is not an option. While generally I try to engage the Other Side gently and non-confrontationally, I can feel my energy for engaging the Cut-and-Run crowd waning...they cannot be reasoned with. Could it be any clearer that the lives of millions of Iraqis and Afghans mean nothing to them in comparison to the potential for pinning the disaster of defeat on the Republicans? Could there be any more vile tendency in man than to ignore the deaths of millions for a political point?

Putting aside all the obviously shameful tacking and Clintonesque triangulation being engaged in by the grasping Democrats who voted almost to the one to authorize the war, there is a simple way of determining our future course in Iraq. Opponents of the war have adopted as a meme the easily parried "Chickenhawk" slur: In order to rhetorically pre-empt the argument of any supporter of the war, they will demand to know why said supporter hasn't volunteered to serve- the premise of this foolishness being that anyone who would ask another to risk death on their behalf without reciprocating in kind is a rank coward. A risible notion aside from the contempt for representative democracy it inadvertently reveals in anyone so foolish as to employ it, this does have a reciprocal foil which is singularly dunning to those who would trot out this brittle old canard:

Let's ask the troops.

That's right- why don't we simply ask the troops who were fooled into joining up so W could send them off for his Oil-War for Jews™. The same ones who, realizing they've been duped by the millions, are now deserting in droves and hitchiking home to America via Canada. Let's ask the troops if we should leave Iraq to the Saddamists, Zarqawists, and Sadrists. Obviously the Left doesn't care what Iraqis say, so let's just ask the troops they purport to be so worried about...

Haiku For the French

2005-11-10T01:20:00.000-05:00

Let's all take a moment to reflect on the terrible, terrible situation in France by creating a contemplative Haiku in soldarity with our Gallic friends...

France burns nightly now
Chirac and Villepin snooze
Buy your turban now

Ahhh...wasn't that relaxing?

Now you try!

Another New Feature!

2005-10-09T23:31:00.000-04:00

We're rolling out a new feature at Bitter Industries...

Arguments With a Five-Year Old™.

From time to time, right-thinking people happen across a nest of liberidiocy on the net that is so appealing that we just can't help but poke them with sticks. One such El Dorado of Idiocy is Preemptive Karma.

They were giggling like little schoolgirls over the ludicrous assertions made by head ~~Palestinian~~ Displaced-Arab spokesliar Nabil Shaath regarding Bush's supposed "Messages from god", when I had to call them on how crazy they seem parrotting the words of anyone like Shaath.

Without further adieu, we bring you our first Argument With a Five-Year Old™... the morons will of course be quoted in yellow, and I will as always, be quoted in Red, White, and Blue.

Comments

From the death throws of the old ways, usher forth the bright rays of things to be.

BL*M

Love*Rulz (Available on DVD ;)
~~www.timeless-ink-press.com~~

Posted by: Bruce Larson*Moore at October 7, 2005 02:20 PM

Way to beleive head "Palsetinian" spokesliar and Holocaust denier Nabil Shaath...

Do you honestly think that happened, or that maybe- just maybe- the so-called "Palestinians" are, you know, making it up? I know it falls so deliciously in line with your contempt for the President that it's nearly irresistable...but try and be skeptical of what the Arab mouthpieces say.

Posted by: LC TripleNeckSteel [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 7, 2005 03:26 PM

Isn't it sad to see adults don made-up titles like "LC?" I mean, it was maybe cute when they were 11 or 12...but as an adult, it's a cry for help.

Anyway, did we catch TripleFudgeDelite in a lie?

Of course.

Nabil Shaath has held a number of senior posts in the Palestinian Authority incliding Minister of Information and Foreign Minister. But is he as, TripleSecretBluraspberry claims--a holocaust denier?

There is no record to indicate Shaath holds such views. But there is ample info indicating he does not. The late Simon Wiesenthal commended Shaath for recommending someone (a Sheik Mudairis) be removed from a job at the Palestinian Broadcasting Corp. because of his holocaust denial views. Shaath said, "We condemn assault of Judaism as a religion. As Muslims we reject such remarks,"

And in an interview with a European foreign affairs magazine, Shaath talked about European-Israeli relations as being influenced by the holocaust.

TripleWideWaistband really needs to do better research.

Posted by: Jadegold at October 8, 2005 07:02 AM

Nice work, Jadegold!

Posted by: Kevin [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 8, 2005 09:54 AM

LC (Lil Cupcake) TripleWideWaistband's silliness aside--it's kind of interesting the rightwing would get upset by holocaust denial since conservatism and holocaust denial have enjoyed a long association.

Folks like Pat Buchanan, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Paul Weyrich are big hitters in the GOP. Yet, each has, at one time or another, engaged in holocaust denial. And there is no shortage of GOP-supported 'thinktanks' and organizations that promote forms of holocaust denial: the Free Congress Foundation, Council of Conservative Citizens, Heritage Foundation, Institute for Historical Review, etc.

Similarly, many rightwing media outlets provide a voice for holocaust denial: The Moonie Times, Human Events, Spotlight, etc.

So, why if TripleWideWaistband disdains holocaust denial so much he would use it to falsely smear a Palestinian leader---why is he silent about the very real holocaust denial his fellow travellers engage in?

Posted by: Jadegold at October 8, 2005 12:57 PM

Of course you guys can't resist an ad hominem or three...

But let's look at my little "lie", shall we?

You claim Shaath has not engaged in Holocaust denial- so I'm going to use your own "logic" on you.

If not voting for an amendment (for reasons that may or may not have to do with that specific topic) containing language on "torture" is tantamount to "voting for torture" (as written on this very blog), then being head spokesliar, er... spokesman for an entity which through it's state-controlled media and mosques endorses both genocide and Holocaust-denial- indeed an entity lead by someone who wrote an infamous dissertation which denies the Holocaust- must at the very least make Nabil Shaath a Holocaust-denier by association.
Leftists applaud figures who resign from public service out of dissent or protest- it could rightfully be posited that your failure to expect the same from the likes of Nabil Shaath is the result of lesser expectations- in other words, racism. You don't expect him to denounce the rampant Jew-hating and Holocaust-denial of the PA because either you endorse it yourself, or you simply feel that for Palestinians to cleave to the same standards you would demand of your own people is asking too much of them.

As for Sheik Mudeiris- he's still comfortably ensconced in his old job, thank you very much.

Nobody's "falsely smearing" a man who can issue statements like:

Shaath said, "We condemn assault of Judaism as a religion. As Muslims we reject such remarks,"

While simultaneously perpetuating the myth of a "massacre" in the Jenin "refugee camp".

As I already said- obviously your visceral hatred of Bush is served by parrotting the ravings of a Jew-hating scumbag. The notion of taking seriously any utterings of one of these depraved lunatics (while simultaneously denouncing any "lies" by your own government- not to mention the howling at the idea that Bush gets "messgaes from God") is beyond risible.

Pat Robertson? Jerry Falwell? Please tell me when and how those two fruitcakes have any influence on politics other than providing unintentionally hilarious quotes exposing their lunacy...I, for one, denounce them regardless of whether they have or have not engaged in Holcaust denial.

And try and refrain from name-calling, children.

Posted by: LC TripleNeckSteel at October 9, 2005 12:14 PM

Of course you guys can't resist an ad hominem or three...

Wait a minute...you falsely accuse someone of being a holocaust denier and you're concerned with an ad hominem?

Deflection and denial.

But let's get to your 'explanation,' shall we? Now, let us recall specifically what you asserted.

Way to beleive head "Palsetinian" spokesliar and Holocaust denier Nabil Shaath...

Your rebuttal does not attempt to explain why Shaath is a holocaust denier or provide any instances indicating Shaath holds such views. And you completely ignore my fine rebuttal demonstrating Shaath rejects holocaust denial and has been commended for same by the likes of the late Simon Wiesenthal.

Instead, you try to make a 'guilt-by-association' connection--which is, of course, a logical fallacy disdained by even elementary school debaters. By your logic, I should be able to say all GOPers are holocaust deniers because some unquestionably are.

The fact is you lied. No amount of moving the goalposts or trying to play six-degrees-of-Kevin Bacon will alter that fact, TripleWideWaistband.

Posted by: Jadegold at October 9, 2005 05:03 PM

BZZZZZZZT!

Sorry jadegold, but you're wrong again- participating in a government lead by an avowed Holocaust-denier- a government based on a charter which calls for the destruction of Israel (and this being true so long after the Oslo agreement called for the removal of the clause in question) - makes you one of them. Lie with dogs, rise up with fleas, eh? Sorta like John Kerry and Mikey Moore.

Once again, to use "Librul Logic", if pretend president Adolph Chimpler were to have once written a dissertation denying the basic historical record regarding, oh say, slavery, and ran a government responsible or the production of schoolbooks, newspapers, religious sermons, and public art which all vilified Blacks in the basest of terms (such as calling them the offspring of pigs and donkeys), you would doubtlessly howl your liberal little head off. Wouldn't anyone failing to denounce him and his administration then be guilty in your eyes of condoning such views? If pretend president Chimpler's book, "Niggers: Why I Hate 'Em, And How Me, Karl, N' Scooter Plan To Use Hurricanes To Get Rid of 'Em" didn't prompt his own party to renouce him, it would be a strange, strange world. Why then do you not rebuke Shaath (and even attempt to deflect criticism of him) for failing to renounce his ties to the PA? He doesn't because he agrees- I don't know how much more obvious it could be.

Unfortunately for Simon Weisenthal, greater men than him have been taken in by lesser men that Nabil Shaath- again, to condemn attacks on the Jewish religion (while of course not condemning attacks on Joooooos themselves) while remaining party to the PA is telling- as is your refusal to realize the nature of Mr. Shaath et al. The quote you cited has absolutely no bearing on, or ind

What Mr. Shaath said in specific regard to Sheik Mudeiris- again, the quote you furnished makes absolutely no mention at all of Holocaust-denial- was this:

"...suspend Mudeiris and prevent him from delivering further sermons."

Of course- and you apparently have no idea of this, or simply don't care beacause it doesn't bolster your pathetic argument- he had neither the authority, nor even the will to actually do anything to effect his pledge. That's what's called an "empty promise", isn't it? And once again, as I have already stated, the good Shiek still holds the prestigious Friday noontime slot at the Sheikh 'Ijlin Mosque in Gaza- the most prestigious mosque in the territory.

As for logical fallacies, this is clearly a case of the pumps calling the handbag beige...merely sharing political affiliation with the likes of Pat Buchanan is not the same as participating in an administration run by him. Has Nabil Shaath publicly excoriated Mohammed Abbas for his views (has anyone outside of conservative Americans for that matter?) the way Buchanan is regularly rebuked by ordinary republicans?

Of course he's hasn't, and of course he's not- and that's because he must at least tacitly agree.

The fact is, you're an idiot, jadegold- no amount of Joooo-hating and moral-equivalency will alter that.

Posted by: LC TripleNeckSteel at October 9, 2005 08:13 PM

I guess it's not really like arguing with a five-year old- after all, five-year olds have an excuse for their lack of understanding, and they eventually learn.

And sorry for the spelling and syntactical errors- I was pissed off.

UPDATE 10.11.05 12:10 AM-

BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHHHH!

Another My Dictionary™

2005-10-06T23:48:00.000-04:00

Due to the onset of the traditional period of Koranically-motivated violence, the paranoid members of a murderous death-cult have made it known that they no longer wish to be know as "Muslims", but more in keeping with their worhsip of an obscure pagan moon-god, they now shall be know as Lunartarians.

The word for today is Lunartarian.

Lunartarian (loo-nar-tay-ree-uhn), N.- deranged follower of a pre-arabic pagan moon-god whose prophet was known for serial pederasty and episodes of psychotic violence.

My Dictionary™

2005-10-06T00:03:00.000-04:00

This L³ maniac lapses into them, but the post below is composed almost entirely of LSCs...

Today's word is LSC, or Liberal Screech Caps.

Liberal Screech caps are how mild to severely unhinged moonbats express outrage, indignation, affrontedness, approbation, annoyance, disgust, pique, and many other ingredients in that potent cocktail of hypernegativity called Bush Derangement Syndrome.

Take your meds, honey...

2005-10-03T01:06:00.000-04:00

Oh. My. Goddess.

This person is unhinged.

#

They are NOT ONLY involved in this scandal, but are ALSO behind 9-11! What makes you sheep think that if they lied to take us to illegal,immoral wars,and they did,which this helps further prove it.And committed TREASON by outing a CIA agent,then they weren’t involved in 9-11,too? As was others in our gov’t! IF CIA or FBI reads this,DO YOUR GODDAMN JOBS,AND INVESTIGATE NOT ONLY BUSH,CHENEY AND RUMMIE BUT YOUR SUPERIORS POSSIBLE INVOLVEMENT TOO IN COVER-UP OF POSSIBLY THEIR INVOLVEMENT TOO,INTO 9-11!If anyone in EITHER group has insider info,PLEASE,PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF OUR COUNTRY,SPILL YOUR GUTS OUT AND NOW!CONGRESS WILL HAVE TO IMPEACH BUSH AND CHENEY NOW, OR FACE IMPEACHMENT THEMSELVES! HEY,IF THEY DON’T IMPEACH, I SAY IMPEACH THEIR WORTHLESS ASSES TOO! AND MAKE BUSH AND CHENEY PAY BACK U.S. TREASURY TOO FROM ILL GOTTEN GAINS THEY MADE OVER WAR PROFITEERING AND FIRST SEND THEM TO GULF IN WATER UP TO THEIR NECKS WITH NO FOOD,NO WATER AND NO HELP,THEN AS PUNISHMENT FOR 9-11,ETC. SEND TO GITMO, THEN AFTER THAT,MAKE THEM PAY BACK U.S. TREASURY, THEN HANG THEIR EVIL,MURDERING ASSES AND NOW! ONLY TRUE JUSTICE WOULD BE ALL OF THESE THINGS!AS MUCH KILLING AND MURDER AND EVIL THEY HAVE CAUSED THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE! TRY THEM AT HAGUE TOO FOR WAR CRIMES! AND NOW! DON’T LET THEM APPOINT ANOTHER GODDAMN JUDGE! AND RECALL ROBERTS,NOW! HE SHOULD NOT COUNT! DEMAND IMPEACHEMENT AND NOW! IF THERE IS ANY,ANY SHRED OF JUSTICE LEFT IN AMERICA,THOSE MURDERING,LYING,NO GOOD,EVIL FASCIST BASTARDS WILL BE IMPEACHED AND HANGED FOR TREASON,ETC.

Comment by Sue — October 2, 2005 @ 8:55 pm

Ok, Sue-- breathe. Breathe more- into this paper bag.

Now- you should stop hyperventilating in a minute or so. Don't worry. I know it's scary. It used to happen to me when I was little too.

Next, get serious. You can't possibly be serious. Oh, you are? OK then, I'll stick with my initial diagnosis- you're insane and need Thorazine.

Another Installment of My Dictionary™

2005-09-27T21:01:00.000-04:00

From the Urban Safari comes another new saying...

Last night, the after-hours club I go to was full of righteous-looking young lipstick lesbians. One of them had such a fabulously curvaceous body that in order to describe her, I had to appropriate from the Urban Vernacular.

Today's word is "Ba-dyke-a-dyke".

Portia De Rossi, one of earth's finest sapphists- the exception to the Sapphic Paradox

Ba-dyke-a-dyke (buh- dIk-uh-dIk) N.- slang term describing a particularly well-developed posterior when belonging to a lesbian. Derived from the less-specific "ba-donk-a-donk", used to denote a generically fine behind regardless of ownership.

I've Got an Idiot in The Wings

2005-09-27T00:15:00.000-04:00

I'm baiting a new idiot- rudepundit.

Rudepundit is an absolutely puerile little wanker who thinks that by being as vulgar as possible, that he/she/it is "speaking truth to power", or something like that, doubtlessly. Seldom if ever have I encountered such hatred and bile that still manages to be utterly juvenile at the same time. Between depicting the President as an uncontrollable drunk, and a senator as a pederast, he/she/it's got quite a little imagination going. Maybe Thorazine would help.

I have just initiated contact with this asshat in hopes the he/she/it will open comments on his/her/its blog so we can have a little fun...

Updates as conditions warrant.

Heard it here first...

2005-09-20T23:03:00.000-04:00

You heard it here first folks- I want to give Arianna a new nickname after her laughable non-debate with Victor Davis Hanson on the matter of whether or not America is an empire...

Huffy The Empire Slayer.

For me, the money quote is at the end when Huffy sums up the political cynicism and contempt for its own supposed constituency that is so characteristic of the Left when she proffers the notion that the apparent preference for the Bush candidacy over the slow-motion trainwreck of John Kerry and his coterie of covetous communists that was demonstrated in spades by the electorate in 2004 was simply a case of Americans being foolish enough to vote for the policies of a man because he was glib in person- that they couldn't help but be taken in-

"Of course the American people did not vote for him because they'd rather vote for somebody who sounds like he knows what he's talking about-- even when he doesn't-- then for somebody who consistently sounds like he doesn't know what he's talking about on the key issue of our time." -- Arianna "Huffy The Empire Slayer" Huffington, September 14, 2005 at the Gerald Ford Presidential Library in Grand Rapids, Michigan

Aside from her contempt (and obligatory Bush-bash at absolutely every opportunity), she also demonstrates-- for anyone just tuning in-- the fine Democrat tradition of responding to a candidate's failure by immediately turning on that candidate and commencing a most Piranha-like cannibalization of the political remains in the hopes of securing some finer degree of triangulation than that of their rivals.

The Passing of a True Hero.

2005-09-20T04:45:00.000-04:00

The indomitable Simon Weisenthal

This man has personally accounted for the capture of over 1,100 Nazis.

As I wrote this, I grasped desperately for the right adjectives to describe the Nazis- reprehensible filth. Sub-human scum.
None were even remotely adequate. They were human, whether we like it or not- although clearly not of the same species as this man.

Simon Weisenthal lost almost ninety members of his own family to the demonic bastards we know as Nazis, and every fiber of his being was thereafter devoted to bringing justice to the dead. He even returned to live in Austria- no doubt as a gesture of utter refutation of the Nazi agenda- "I'm still here, Adolph, you one-balled failure."

We have all lost one of the most courageous men to have graced our earth.

UPDATE-- No offense meant to people with one ball.

Krayzee Koranic Kaption Kontest #3

2005-09-17T22:33:00.000-04:00

Here's another wacky photo of our friends of at the Religion of Piss...er, Pieces...er, Peace™ to use in another Krayzee Koranic Kaption Kontest...

I'll start things out:

"By the Prophet's beard, I thought I told that woman to starch a point into this hood!"

Wasn't that fun?!? Now you try!

John Street Speaks With The Dead- Again

2005-09-14T22:10:00.000-04:00

Ron? Are you there, man? It's me...John, again...

Who? Oh...you. Again.

What's with the italics, dog?

I suppose you need something?

I have to need something to look you up now, man?

So this is a social call? Seeing how your boy Ron is doing in the great hereafter?

...

...

I could use a little advice now that you mention it...

Mm Hmm...

It's this hurricane thing, man.

Right...you want to get some of that "Homeland Security" sugar they been giving out down south...

Naw-- I wanna get Milton some vending rights down there. You know-- bottled water, corn dogs...that kind of thing.

That's it? You gotta think bigger than that, dog. Let's be honest- your career's about over, man. Ain't nobody outside of Philly to play that race card on, if you know what I mean. My advice is get in with Louis Armstrong airport before they rebuild. See, I could round up a few of my ladies and get them into the set-asides, then all we'd have to do is...

Aren't you supposed to be dead?

Oh, now I'm the dead guy? Five seconds ago you needed my advice!

Maybe I'll come back when you're feeling better...

I'm dead, goddammit!

Wait- I thought this was Bush's fault...

2005-09-03T00:25:00.000-04:00

Wait, I thought this was Bush's fault...
I am among the countless billions who have been laboring lo these millenia under the illusion that human history began tens of thousands of years ago. Apperently, we have all been wrong, for recorded history began in January of 2001 with the installation of the illegally selected junta of Adolph Chimpler- it must be so, because everything bad is directly attributable to Bush-

September 11th? Bush was reading My Pet Goat instead of personally swatting down those airliners.

Recession? Karl Rove went back in time to instigate economic contraction during the final two quarters of the Clinton administration.

Asian tsunami? Bush enraged Gaia by refusing to commit national suicide by Kyoto.

Not to mention personally having ordered Charles Graner and Lynndie England to place panties on the heads of noble Iraqi freedom-fighters, and then personally killing SPC Casey Sheehan.

Astonishingly, there are so-called "experts" (non-elected cronies of the Chimpler regime of course) who have the temerity-- who are so misguided-- to suggest that Hurricane Katrina would have damaged New Orleans even if the white-sheeted fascists of the Supreme Court hadn't illegally installed Shrubya. Can you believe Unterfuhrer Rove and the brownshirts have even gotten to the good people at the National Weather Service?
I mean, you know they're a progressyve group because of their name- National Weather Service- they have the same first name as National Public Radio, and we know they're progressyves. Just like the National Socialists.

How much more obvious could it be that Shrubya has compromised them than this statement?

Construction of levees along the river and lake over the centuries has led to a rise in the water levels, according to the National Weather Service. Each increase of the level of water puts more pressure on the levees.

Liars! Everyone knows that humans are responsible for freak weather patterns and not nature...although the fascists at the National Hurricane Center are trying to con us into believing that Hurricanes are decreasing in number and severity. Any progressyve worth his sustainably-derived sea salt knows this is a lie- did Katrina look like it was smaller to you? I bet it didn't look small at all to the poor Democrat voters left to die by the heartless red-staters in Louisiana's government.

Elizabeth English, an "associate professor" (read: "paid lobbyist") at Louisiana State University's "Hurricane Center" (read: "PNAC-funded right-wing Likudnik think tank"), tries to further obfuscate and deflect blame for the Hurricane from the Chimpler regime by claiming that

"...The widespread damage to the city has much to do with its topography, or 'lay of the land'..."

As if! Then she continues the spin with

"You can't strengthen every part of it in exactly the same way at the same time. And, like a chain, it suffers from the weakest link."

The spin machine has even gotten to the progressyves at the National Weather Service, who are also trying to deflect blame from Chimpler by-- get this-- blaming Mother Gaia!!!

"A lack of coastal irregularities," such as substantial barrier islands or hills, and the Gulf of Mexico's flat bottom make southern Louisiana "ideal for wave damage," according to the National Weather Service Web site.

And I call bullshit on that-- look how many attempts were made personally by Bill Clinton during his 8 years in office (which he would have been elected to again if the Rethugs hadn't changed the constitution in the middle of the night) to shore up the entire nation's levee systems.

First, there was... and then he... and finally, he did all that, uh...

Never mind that- it only stands to reason that Chimpy is to blame- after all, he was so busy hiding from Mother Seahag that he couldn't oversee the evacuation himself as his job requires.

My Blogiversary!

2005-08-30T14:48:00.000-04:00

It's my one-year blogiversary...

What'd you fuckers get me?

I Think I Just Threw Up In My Mouth

2005-08-28T02:13:00.000-04:00

What is it with the Left and Cindy Sheehan?

For a bunch of people who insist that they speak for the masses, they are woefully tone-deaf...again. Didn't they try that whole "Warts n' All™" thing when they made Jabba the Butt their de facto ~~Ronald McDonald~~ spokesman during the last election cycle?

His "common guy" image went over like a lead balloon, so you might think they'd have admitted to themselves by now that image counts-- even though they'd all have us believe they're about substance rather than style.

No such luck for them, so in a show of uncharacteristic generosity towards the enemy, I'll offer up the following advice--

Listen up, Leftards:

You can be a screeching loony, or a repulsive hag, but you can't expect people to like you or even listen to you if you're both (See Helen Thomas). It's like I've told certain co-workers and employees over the years- you can be lazy, or an asshole, but you may not be both. It's hard to be "Mother Peace" when every other word out of your mouth is an hysterical accusation against the Joooos.

If she wants to piss, moan, and wail like some uulating levantine Sharmootah, then it would behoove her to slap on a few pounds of pancake makeup so the rest of us don't have to choke back our vomit every time her old catcher's mitt of a face pops up.

UPDATE:

By the way- if any of you leftist assholes who claim to "support the troops" would care to explain to me how by opposing every military expenditure ever you have been "supporting" our soldiers, I'd give my left nut to hear it.

Please- enlighten me.

UPDATE:

And I'm a "lefty"...

The Eerie Silence of a Liberal

2005-08-24T15:27:00.000-04:00

So over at my buddy RWR's place, he entertains a troll called Don Myers.

Don is a wheedling, doctrinaire little pissant who will stop at nothing- no obfuscation or outright falsehood is off-limits in his book- to maintain his silly "Republicans are evil and Democrats can do no wrong" position in spite of his party's history as the party of socialism and slavery. He shall therefore be quoted in yellow.

To wit, Donnie's recent attempt to tar the evil repukes of 1860 with his own party's legacy of support for slavery:

BTW, Mr. Those-who-do-not-learn-from history, Lincoln did NOT run on anti-slavery platform. He ran on an anti-secession platform. He was perfectly willing to accept slavery in the South, in any territory, or even in DC.

BWA HAA HA HA HA!!!

I guess for all his book learnin', Donnie never learned how to "research" and "support" an argument, because if you read the Republican party platform of 1860, it's all pretty clear:

7. That the new dogma, that the Constitution, of its own force, carries Slavery into any or all of the Territories of the United States, is a dangerous political heresy, at variance with the explicit provisions of that instrument itself, with contemporaneous exposition, and with legislative and judicial precedent; is revolutionary in its tendency, and subversive of the peace and harmony of the country.

8. That the normal condition of all the territory of the United States is that of freedom; That as our Republican fathers, when they had abolished Slavery in all our national territory, ordained that "no person should be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law," it becomes our duty, by legislation, whenever such legislation is necessary, to maintain this provision of the Constitution against all attempts to violate it; and we deny the authority of Congress, of a territorial legislature, or of any individuals, to give legal existence to Slavery in any Territory of the United States.

9. That we brand the recent re-opening of the African slave-trade, under the cover of our national flag, aided by perversions of judicial power, as a crime against humanity and a burning shame to our country and age; and we call upon Congress to take prompt and efficient measures for the total and final suppression of that execrable traffic.

I guess Donnie would have us believe that was all some Clintonesque, wink-to-the-faithful, we're-not-really-gonna-do-any-of-this-stuff trick...like the evil RethugliKKKans have been pulling all along right up to the illegally-selected Chimpy McHitlerburton "junta". Can you believe the temerity it must take to pull out the "perhaps if you cracked a book once in a while" argument when he himself hasn't even the slightest clue about what he's attempting to pass off as a factual argument? I know I can't.

Maybe I'm the fool here for still thinking in spite of the weight of history that says not, that Donnie will attempt some retort, and that he's just biding his time doing research for his argument. But I know he's not...all he offers is silence- no gracious concession, not even a futile lashing-out. Nothing. The silence is deafening, as they say.

Sometimes I really do pity the developementally-challenged.

No, Of Course You Don't...

2005-08-22T15:58:00.000-04:00

From the Communist News Network--

Sen. John F. Kerry told state legislators Friday the Democratic Party doesn't need to undergo an extreme makeover

No, of course you don't...it's better you should continue your spiral into irrelevance.

"We have to go out and fight for the real issues that make a difference in the lives of the American people and we don't need some great lurch to the right or lurch to the left or redefinition of the Democratic Party"

He said "Lurch"! Twice!

"The last thing America needs is a second Republican Party."

That's exactly what it needs- it certainly doesn't need the Party of Perpetual Entitlement and Victimhood™

His ill-fated 2004 presidential campaign was still clearly on Kerry's mind...

No, really? Why would anyone think that?

...with an analysis and a broadside against President Bush and congressional Republicans taking up the lion's share of his 35-minute speech to the Democratic Legislative Campaign Committee's luncheon.

Oh. That.

Kerry said Bush and the Republicans have used the terrorism issue to divert attention from issues that favored the Democrats.

Like what- whining, hand-wringing and appeasement?

In an arch comment about the president's recent statement in favor of teaching "intelligent design" as an alternative to the theory of evolution, Kerry said, "I think we ought to be getting some intelligent design in our policy in Iraq."

And we all know how much the electorate loves a smug asshole with a still-to-this-day Sooper- Seekrit® plan to win in Iraq...

That drew a standing ovation and whoops of delight from the audience.

Of course it did...and so does anything slobbered out by the likes of Mikey Moore-on, Tim Robbins, or the Dick-Me Chicks. Their script-writers like it that way.

Kerry told his audience that while Republicans dither and practice politics of "nastiness and partisanship,"

Uh...pardon me, Senator Loser- isn't that exactly what you're doing right this very moment?

Democratic legislators are showing the right stuff, connecting with people on their front porches and then going to the capitals to fix their problems.

Yeh. Fixing problems like you've got a plan. List one single problem that you've "fixed" for us, Senator Loser...we'll wait until you're through signing your Form 180. We have free time.

"The states are now the laboratories, much more than before, because of the refusal of Washington to do what's important and necessary. You're forced to spend too much time cleaning up what Washington either messes up or leaves undone altogether."

Oh no...he's still on that "50- state plan" thing...

The Mullahs Snicker

2005-08-09T04:34:00.000-04:00

"OK... just don't laugh out loud and they won't know we're making fun of them."

Can you say "Cheat And Retreat"? I'm not going to offer any trenchant insights here, because I don't think any are necessary.

All one has to do is examine the rhetoric used by the Iranians since they were successfully outed by dissidents as having an enormous clandestine nuclear effort underway- they have now unabashedly asserted that not only is their ultimate goal to posess the same (nuclear) capabilities as the Evil Zionist Enterprise™, but to unequivocally annihilate Israel.

My question is this: When are we going to take them-- and Islamists in general-- at their own words?

I So Poofy.

2005-08-02T01:57:00.000-04:00

I so poofy.

You no see that?

I spend the extra money get poofy treatment.

You know it good.

Krayzee Koranic Kaption Kontest #2

2005-07-28T01:45:00.000-04:00

Here's another wacky photo of our friends of at the Religion of ~~Piss~~...er, ~~Pieces~~...er, Peace™ to use in another Krayzee Koranic Kaption Kontest...

I'll start things out:

"I know your kaffiyeh is scratchy, Yasser jr., but how else do you expect to meet a virgin Arab girl?"

Wasn't that fun?!? Now you try!

Announcing The Fatwa Project®

2005-07-19T19:14:00.000-04:00

Ack! Ack! Death to Amrika!!!

In much the same manner as the inestimable President Ronald Reagan conceived that the USSR couldn't possibly meet us in a man-to-man comparison of economic capability, I propose a similar solution to the scourge of Islamofascism. Since the Arab and Muslim world produce little else than furious religious thought, our intent should be to exhaust their capacity to do so.

It should be a priority for every man, woman, and child in the non-Muslim world to do their absolute best to earn the recognition that comes from the issuance of a Fatwa-- Muslim society will grind to a halt as the clerics spend every waking moment condemning each American schoolchild for having engaged in weekly mandatory, school-wide Koranic desecrations, and ordinary Muslims will be unable to obtain their usual doses of hatred and incitement down at their local indoctrination centers. With each and every Muslim thereby enjoined to kill each and every non-Muslim, identifying the enemy will be that much easier.

So remember-- it is imperitive not only that you engage in an act of apostasy, aggression, or blasphemy towards the Koran each day, but that you also document your transgressions and forward them directly to Ayatollah Khameini in Tehran (unless you're in Israel, which isn't available as one of the choices you have to make to fill out the form).

In order to avoid unecessary hardship stemming from incorporating any new responsiblities in our already harried modern lives, I have taken the liberty of pointing out a few ways in which I'm trying to incorporate my own quest for a Fatwa into my daily routine:

I like bacon, as do most right-thinking humans including a lot of Jews I know.
Now if you're like me, you try to conserve paper towels whenever possible-- they're expensive, and the lingering vestiges of my liberal upbringing tell me they're ecologically unsound to use as frivolously as I'd like. That's where the Koran comes in- each morning, after I have fried my daily ration of bacon, I carefully blot the delicious, smoky (did I mention I make my own bacon, and that bourbon-soaked Korans are an excellent source of smoke?) slices on the pages of an old Koran. My bacon is dry, and the Koran is more appetizing-- everyone wins! Yay!

I live in an apartment, and like most apartment-dwellers, I loathe the thought of allowing maintenance workers in while I'm not here. After four years, I've noticed my hopper getting a bit wobbly, and after tightening the bolts that fasten it to the floor a few times to little avail, I decided that perhaps shims were the solution.
But what to use?
Bingo- Korans save the day again. Tear out a few pages, fold each in half a few times, and wedge 'em under the john. Sure, I realize they may become "soiled" down there, but hey- it's just a book to us, right?

Again, like a number of apartment-dwellers, I own a cat.
In a big city, cats don't generally do well as free-range animals, so you have to keep them in and provide a litter box for them-- but that litter gets expensive. That's where the Koran saves the day again-- Korans happen to be made of a super-absorbent material that locks in wetness and fights odors on contact. Just remember to write to CAIR and request a few new ones from time to time so you don't run out.

So there you can see a few ways in which I've managed to incorporate my quest for my own Fatwa into my daily routine without having to sacrifice any of the time I have already set aside for maligning Splodeydopers.

Remember-- we can out-spend them intellectually as RWR did economically against the commies, but it will take sacrifice and self-denial. You may have to offer of yourself so that others may earn their Fatwas. You may have to volunteer to help the homeless earn theirs-- but the price of failure is too high.

Band together America-- earn your Fatwa now.

Return Of My Dictionary™

2005-07-12T03:31:00.000-04:00

To reintroduce another classic feature from the salad days here at Bitter Rants, we bring you another installment of My Dictionary™

This installment deals with that unpleasant phenomenon known as Mandals.

Neither bedroom slipper nor dress shoe nor even huarache, it exists solely to offer a certain type of "man" the opportunity to display his casual sophistication-- especially when worn in conjunction with the dreaded Untucked Striped Shirt:

Which is only this year's Shiny Shirt:

When will it end, Gentle readers?

Strike Another Moonbat Excuse

2005-07-07T06:42:00.000-04:00

So you can strike one more of the reasons Moonbats like to use when they're either trying to lessen the import of the Jihad by attempting to make a parallel between it and the crusades, for example, or to outright justify it.

One of the most popular abuses of reality over the last four years is the absolutely mindless notion that somehow the "brutal" Israeli "occupation" of "Palestine" is a motivator behind the global Jihad-- the justification being that Muslims owe one another defense and support across borders. The classical form of genocide being performed under the UN's watchful eye in Sudan should be enough to shatter the myth of "Muslim Brotherhood" as justification of the global recruitment effort undertaken by the al-Qaedists long before 9/11, and particularly the Jihadist violence against middle eastern Jews perpetrated by Arabs long before the establishment of any Jewish state. If violence against Muslims were their motivator, they would surely be inflamed over the mechanized killing of Muslims taking place in Darfur.
In other words, Muslims around the world are not outraged by the killings of fellow Muslims by other Muslims so much as they are by the simple existence of a Jewish state in the region.

Strangely enough, "Palestinians" living under Israeli authority "panic" when confronted by the notion of falling under PA "supervision"--

When Israeli prime minister Ehud Barak's diplomacy raised the prospect, in mid-2000, of some Arab-majority parts of Jerusalem being transferred to the PA, a Palestinian Arab social worker found that "an overwhelming majority" of Jerusalem's 200,000 Arabs chose to remain under Israeli control. A member of the Palestinian National Council, Fadal Tahabub, specified that 70% preferred Israeli sovereignty. Another politician, Husam Watad, described people as "in a panic" at the prospect of finding themselves under PA rule.

Similarly, the notions of peace as the result of "giving away land" or even "ceding authority" are not necessarily apt, as can be demonstrated by not only the Arabs' historical intransigence on the issue of recognizing Israel's right to peacefully exist, but by the demographic danger posed by the Arabs' obvious zeal to live in Israel simply for the sake of living standards rather than even ideological reasons.

Palestinian Arabs are not so committed ideologically as to disdain the good life that residence in Israel offers. Two long-term conclusions follow. First, were Palestinian Arab demands for a "right of return" to Israel ever met, a massive population influx into Israel would result. Second, any final-status agreement that requires turning Israeli-ruled land to the Palestinians will be very hard to implement.

So as they export their Jihad to another country as they have done again this morning, will we again wring our hands over what we have failed to give them , what murderousness we have failed to indulge, what provocation begat this latest atrocity, or will we finally wake up as Churchill and Roosevelt did so belatedly, and beat back this scourge of Islam?

Here's An Opportunity

2005-06-28T15:30:00.000-04:00

Internet crashes in Pakistan

Tuesday, June 28, 2005; Posted: 11:53 a.m. EDT (15:53 GMT)

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan (Reuters) -- An undersea cable carrying data between Pakistan and the outside world has developed a serious fault, virtually crippling data feeds, including the Internet, telecommunications officials said.

First, let me say Ha ha.

Second, this is an opportunity not to be squandered. We have a chance to insert whatever sort of monitoring capability we can currently muster into the pipeline between Pakistan and the rest of the world- aside from the al-Qaedists still there, we have to keep our eyes on the ISI. This would be a good chance to get our people and materiels into a place where they can benefit us.

Isn't It Time For You To Shut Up, You Fat Drunk?

2005-06-27T15:50:00.000-04:00

Isn't it time for you to check yourself into Betty Ford? Isn't part of this "making amends" thing owning up to killing Mary Jo Kopechne?

Clean your own house, asshole.

Krayzee Koranic Kaption Kontest

2005-06-25T05:52:00.000-04:00

Again from LGF--

Caption this:

"I am Mullah Harl'an al-Sandayyirs! Insh'allah, you will buy my chicken!"

HeadChoppers Seethe and Fulminate (again)

2005-06-23T17:17:00.000-04:00

From LGF

This is insane on so many levels...

Setting aside the immediate question of whether or not this actually even happened, where's the harm? Why are we allowing them to continue to portray this as a "grave aggression"? "A grave aggression" is Muslim code for "We're going to use this to justify our next bloodthirsty rampage, and a whole lot more cries of victimhood."
It's a book, people-- and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can join us here in the modern world. The one guy lays it bare for us-- they love the book more than their families. Substitute any other posession for "Koran" and the idiocy only becomes more glaring-- "I love my TV more than my family"-- nice, eh?

Let's look at this rationally-- since they can't seem to...

Police are investigating the incident as a hate crime and are consulting the FBI.

A "Hate Crime" would seem to require something rather specific in order to rise to that status-- namely, a crime. Let's grant for the sake of argument that someone did what is alleged here. Assuming that the book wasn't stolen, where's the crime? Last time I checked, if I wanted to spend my money on a book-- something by Al Franken or Michael Moore would do nicely-- and wipe my ass with it, that was legal. Destroying a book is not a crime if you own it, or have permission from its owner to destroy it. Local ordinance may not even prevent me from flinging it on someone's doorstep when I'm through-- I'll look into that more closely before proceeding.

Meanwhile, scenes like this apparently don't offend Muslims at all-- nor do the reports of Koran-flushing by similarly-inspired "Palestinians" in Megiddo Prison:

Givin' The K to da -O to da -Ran MAD respect, yo!

Meanwhile, merely having a Christian bible in your luggage in Saudi Arabia can get you beheaded. Other predominantly Islamic countries have an even more ad hoc legal system which allows you to be summarily beheaded by any Muslim who happens to be nearby and have a sword (or dull kitchen knife) handy. The Koran says so.

And remember-- Allah knows best...

Welcome From Sunsara's World...

2005-06-22T23:40:00.000-04:00

OK,

This is going to be a post set up so we can debate the Mumia Abu-Jamal case, but I don't want to waste the bandwidth glorifying someone who makes a mockery of our trial system by posting his likeness. Instead, I'll post a picture of a demented Mumaniac who feels that like absolutely any situation, the Presidential Inauguration was a good forum for a Mumia rally.

A bored and dejected Moonbat can't understand why nobody shares her Outrage™

Premise number one:

Mumia is guilty- that is a matter of law, and has been demonstrated more than amply by trial, PCRH, and myriad motions and appeals.

Anyone who can find evidence-- something contained in the trial notes-- that would demonstrate otherwise is welcomed to advance that notion, and I will refute.

Have at it, readers...

MoonBattery Turns Deadly

2005-06-21T16:16:00.000-04:00

Note giant puppet-head to the upper left.

Moonbats went on a rampage in Philadelphia this afternoon over what else?

The sanctity of life...they want to stop violence against stem-cells and brown people, so what do they do, these people opposed to "the violence inherent in the system"?

Kill a cop.

I hope that if it turns out the moonbats are responsible for this cop's death, that they go to a real gulag-- one where they don't serve Duck a l'Orange.

Hateful Ol' Me

2005-06-21T04:25:00.000-04:00

I am so hateful.

There-- are you happy? I've admitted in front of all of you-- my dear readers-- that I'm a hate-fueled reactionary warmongering hater-guy. All those ideas I have about wanting people to be free from people who would attach jumper-cables to your balls?

Just hate, apparently. Sorry.

Right now, I know you're probably saying, "TripleNeck, we had faith in you--why'd you do it? Why do you sling that hate around here like so much...hate? Why are you so hateful and full of hate?" Well, I'm wondering the same thing myself. So to that end, I ask you the following:

What can I do to make amends, to appease your wounded sensibilities, ~~Criden~~ my accusers?

Shall I feature more pictures of my beloved cat Sammy, upon whom I have recently squandered thousands of dollars I had set aside to buy some property?

Shall I waste even more time figuring out HTML and CSS script just so I can post a graphic and link to some group composed of the families of 9/11 victims?

Shall I put my eyes out as penance?

Tell me what I must do, o enlightened, nuanced ones.

Must I stop making off-color jokes and references? Must I refrain from making light of the differences between the cultures or sexes?

Or must I refrain entirely from pointng out that while Judeo-Christianity has moved away from their respective traditionalist pasts, Islam has not? Must I refrain entirely from expressing my belief in the fundamental righteousness of our war against Islamism regardless of our perceived failures-- whatever those may be? Must I refrain entirely from pointing out the Koranic bases for the current iteration of Islam and its numerous depradations?

Tell me, o "enlightened" ones...

This Explains a Lot...

2005-06-20T22:33:00.000-04:00

Brain Areas Shut Off During Female Orgasm

By EMMA ROSS, AP Medical Writer 1 hour, 53 minutes ago

Must. Resist. Obvious. Joke.

In the first study to map brain function during orgasm, scientists from the Netherlands also found that as a woman climaxes, an area of the brain governing emotional control is largely deactivated.

Uh, doc...that's erroneous assumption number one-- most women are born without that part of their brains. It remains to be discovered, however, if there is some way of reactivating the area for those that do indeed posess it.

The fact that there is no deactivation in faked orgasms means a basic part of a real orgasm is letting go

Thus confirming the essential truth of the words uttered by every sweaty teenage boy in the backseat of a car-- "C'mon, baby...I won't hurt you. you can let go with me."

Women can imitate orgasm quite well, as we know, but there is nothing really happening in the brain

Now that seems a bit mean-spirited to me. I've known countless women, and I could swear there's something going on in there...

This is one of those things I don't think you need brain scans to be aware of-- uptight women don't have fun, and they aren't any fun to be with either. One particularly self-conscious female friend of mine didn't have her first orgasm till she was in her thirties. What a shame.

UPDATE-- For the uninitiated (or clueless) among you, I am not a misogynist as any of my girlfriends will readily attest. This is all fun 'n games. I believe in certain inherent differences between the sexes-- and I make light of them-- I do not, however, believe the two to be unequal. So bugger off.

All Quiet On The Westerberg Front

2005-06-20T21:58:00.000-04:00

I'm a murderer.

A Murderer.

A Mur-diddly-urderer.

Unless he's busy preparing his Magnum Opus of Moonbattery, I think I killed Westerberg. He hasn't posted any of his jolly little sneers at authority lately, nor has he posted a link to some article or a quotation that crystallizes his feelings on some matter or another. He hasn't even been trolling here or Moron Abroad.

I have killed a blogger. Or a blog. Or something-- as long as he's gone. Hopefully he learned a few things from the ClueBattings he took at the hands of Greg, Eric, and myself-- that communism and its runt littermate socialism suck, that blind hatred of the President is stupid and is also what's keeping them from achieving the power they lust for, and all Islamists have to die.

I tried to help you Dave, and while I think you're smart enough to get it, you're so locked into this "Truth to Power" teenage nonsense that you just won't consider anything outside your own opinion. You cling to things even when someone begs you to consider their argument--- you ignore, you slander, you dismiss. But there is one thing you don't do-- you don't read.

Sorry Dave. I tried.

Banned By A Smug Dipshit

2005-06-19T00:15:00.000-04:00

HAW HAW HAW HAW!!!

I've been banned from commenting by yet another liberal whiner...this unbelievable pissant is named Brad Andrews, and he lives in New York.

Sad Brad- notice the unwarranted smirk

Brad is a sycophantic devotee of "Don", who maintains a similarly dismal and dreary little America-hater blog called "Captain Normal" (heh!).

After I had posted to "Don"'s site several times, Brad decided to take a shot at earning my wrath. The oddest thing about him, however, is that he chose not to do it in public on the comment section where he found me, but through e-mail. I don't know whether he thought that would render him less vulnerable to ridicule, or what-- but it hasn't.

So without any further adieu, here's my little exchange with "Sad" Brad Andrews...enjoy!

Here's his first, unsolicited e-mail:

hey tripleneck,
I responded to your puerile insults on my little lonley blog. Go tell your friends, asshole, and then go get a fucking life.

"Bitterrants?" You don't know what a rant is.

Heh heh. Isn't he cute? He knows words like "puerile", but not words like "Lonely".

How adorable!

So I responded with:

Hey, that's great man!

There really is a "Brad" behind the sad "parade".

Perhaps I don't know what a rant is (actually I do), but I do know what "bitter" is-- bitter is a lonely (you can't even spell lonely right) fool who takes the time to write someone personally over something silly as an internet posting rather than respond via comment.

Sounds like you're the one who needs to "get a fucking life", you pathetic, angry little troll.

Enjoy your summer,

LC TNS

I got no reply from Brad, and I expected that he had realized that he was already in over his empty little head...

But lo, Brad angrily retorted another of my posts--again, not in public where he could be ridiculed by others who were by now waiting to pounce on him, but via e-mail:

here's a rape room allegation you obviously missed. Had you perused my blog a little more you might have seen it here:

http://sadparade.typepad.com/sad_parade/2004/08/hippocratic_hyp.html

Kasim Hilas told a CID investigator that he witnessed a harrowing incident one night on Tier 1A. "I saw the translator Abu Hamid fucking a kid," Hilas stated. "His age would be about 15-18 years. The kid was hurting very bad and they covered all the doors with sheets. Then when I heard screaming I climbed the door because on top it wasn't covered and I saw Abu Hamid, who was wearing the military uniform, putting his dick in the little kid's ass. I couldn't see the face of the kid because his face wasn't in front of the door. And the female soldier was taking pictures. Abu Hamid, I think he is Egyptian because of his accent, and he was not skinny or short, and he acted like a homosexual (gay). And that was in cell #23 as best as I remember."

You think this stuff is just made up?

Incredulous that there is still even one person still trumpeting that silly meme on the say-so of an Islamic terrorist, I replied:

I'd rather conduct this on your blog, where you can be publicly ridiculed for your acceptance of the unsubstantiated accusations of a terrorist, but you've apparently banned me like some kind of pussy.

Hilas was apparently privy to every bad act in AbuG-- not a pair of panties or human pyramid escaped this guy-- but that doesn't seem strange to you, does it?

Dumbass.

Utterly demoralized and near despair, Brad finally resorted to his most durable tactic:

You're not worth the time it takes me to type this. go fuck a camel.

I couldn't resist poking him with a sharp stick once more to see if there was any moonbat fight left in him at all:

Oh, but I am worth the time, and you have written...you can't resist.

Actually, your precious Arabs are more likely to be the ones fucking camels. As far as I know, the only ones here are in the Phildelphia Zoo, so I likely won't have the opportunity to fuck any of them-- sorry to disappoint.

Why did you ban me, Braddie boy? Can't take having your ideological rug yanked out from under you?

TNS

But alas, a reply from Sad Brad was not to be, and he has apparently scuttled back off to the fever-swamps to sit and moan in solidarity with his Bush-hating, half-bus riding comrades.

Brad is available for comments via e-mail here.

Surprise, Surprise...

2005-06-14T16:33:00.000-04:00

Like it's even remotely plausible that a man who is doubtlessly still intimately involved in his 24-year old son's financial affairs didn't know of a connection between his son and Cotecna.

I mean, what-- not one single person involved in that deal said, "Uh, wait a sec...do you think it's going to look bad that Kofi's son works for us?"

Come on, Kofi- the EUnuchs can't protect you forever, and lying'll only make it worse.

'Fess up, man.

Why Am I Not Surprised? BWA HA HA HA HA HAAAAH!

2005-06-13T01:13:00.000-04:00

The Ultimate Goal of the French"man"-- To Become A Woman

"The Most Important Event Since Man Walked On The Moon"

38% of these alleged "men" wish to go through child-bearing?

Why am I not surprised at this?

After all, these flops had the nads bred off them centuries ago-- they F*** with their faces and fight with their feet. Of course the last military success they enjoyed was sinking a boat full of Hippies-- if you don't count their successful ~~turkey-shoot~~, er..."intervention" in Côte D'Ivoire last year.

Why don't you guys just give up-- we'll let you become a state, or at least a protectorate. There's only one catch-- you'll have to accept as government Boxer, Schumer, Shrillary, Kerry, Kennedy, Pelosi, and Dean.

Another Piece of Work

2005-06-07T22:25:00.000-04:00

One of the more entertaining aspects of Al Gore's Internets™ is the sheer volume of leftwing asshattery one encounters daily.

This particular asshat was so upset by my comments and his inability to refute them that he had to devote an entire post to me. Unfortunately for him, I do not travel alone. My friends showed up to edify him, smack him around a bit, and ultimately ClueBat™ him into fetal-postion submission.

Take a look at what this America-bashing quisling has on his bedside-- no doubt pushed to a far corner as it competes for space with tubes of KY, buttplugs, and assorted back-issues of Stud and Honcho.

UPDATE-- *sigh* OK, for the uninitiated (or clueless) among you, I don't have a problem with gay folks-- in fact, I think you should suffer the agonies of marriage just like the rest of us. All of my gay friends know I invite a full measure of jibes and invective as related to the depredations of my equally silly hetero lifestyle.

Bring it on, my gay buddies...

Another Pox on Westerberg.

2005-06-06T21:36:00.000-04:00

Some of you readers may be aware of the story of Kenny, the kid who used to live in my neighborhood who's been jailed in Copenhagen since easter under suspicion of dismembering a guy using a chainsaw. After googling, I found the best source of information to be a blog belonging to an American expat who was translating from Danish.

While there, I happened upon an old acquaintence who uses the screen name "westerberg". "Westerberg" was all over this guy's blog, whining pedantically about writing style, content-- anything to wind the guy up. Finally, the guy fisked "westerberg" within an inch of his life, and then back again. Unfortunately, as is all too often the case with liberal retards, he didn't even realize the outright mugging he had been given.

So now "westerberg" is here, and he's still innoculated against truth, logic, reason, and fact. This guy lives in the sixties:

The US is just another link in the whole chain of evil that controls the world.

Not only is he stuck in some awful gap in the time/space continuum, he's a moral relativist to the point of utter farce:

I have learned not to trust governments who imprison people indefinately and without legal representation for their beliefs

BWA HA HA HAH! He thinks they're in GITMO for their "beliefs"!!! That's too fucking rich!!!

When he's not presuming to know just what I believe,

Cmon Dave. you don't care if these kids go to school. You clearly HATE these people

He's making wild, mean-spirited accusations

Dude, you're clearly into killing for it's own sake.

And resorting to thoroughly-debunked Michael Moorisms:

Hell, we've been sold to the saudis..Your ideological enemy. They OWN America.

When anyone with any sense at all-- even those who've actually read the execrable "book" this figure is taken from, should be able to do the math and see that in fact, the Saudis (that includes Saud family and Saudi Arabians in general) only account for 7% of total foreign investment of approximately 10 trillion dollars, even if Unger's fictitious figure of 860 billion is granted for the sake of argument.

God damn, this guy's stupid. Industrial-strength stupid. Weapons-grade stupid. STOOPID stupid.

Feel free to tell "westerberg" how you feel.

Next Thing You Know They'll be Blowing Up Mosques.

2005-06-04T05:36:00.000-04:00

So who flushed what now?

I guess to certain "Unreality-based Community"-types, a place where you're given halal meals, prayer mats, an arrow pointing towards Mecca, soccer fields, and Muezzin calls five times daily, equals the gulag.

Now, as if none of us had ever been aware of the al-Qaeda training manual, we find that they flushed their own damned Q'uran, Qu'ran, Koran, or whatever the fuck it is, in order to aggrandize their victim status.

However, in this bizzarro-world where MoonBats dwell, they will cherry-pick which news pieces to exploit-- when the MSM says torture is taking place, they're "courageous". When they publish information that GITMO inmates may have flushed the whatever-the-fuck-you-call-it themselves, they're "pawns of the Evil Chimperor™", and not to be trusted.

Sigh. What idiots.

Belgians Selected, Fwench Rejected

2005-05-30T01:02:00.000-04:00

As expected, the Fwench tendency to contraryism has won out over the Fwench tendency to anti-Americanism, and they have rejected the absurdist "constitution" dictated by unelected (that's selected to you MoonBat lurkers) Belgian bureaucrats.

The "no" camp had 54.87 percent, with only 45.13 percent voting "yes". I wonder if that would qualify with libruls as a "mandate"...

Get out your pointy sticks, friends. Fwance is burning, and we're having a weinie-roast.

OK, So What's This Guy's problem?

2005-05-28T04:41:00.000-04:00

We all know what this means...

Witnesses described the naked Zorro as "A naked man ready to go, we will leave it at that, alright"...

And as adults, we all know what "ready to go" means. This dipshit's runnning around with a hard-on.

What the Fuck is his problem? I s that alll there is to do out there? Try going out for a beer with your friends.

Mayor Street Holds a Seance

2005-05-17T22:04:00.000-04:00

Ron? Are you there, man? It's me-- John.

Who? Oh, you.

Yeah, man-- I never got to thank you, what with the trial and all.

I had cancer, too.

You did? I'm sorry to hear that. Is that fatal?

Um, yeah...this is a seance, right?

Right. My bad. You do look good though, dog.

Well, they do feed us good up in here...all buffets.

Riiiiight...I only eat organic. Anyway, it was kind of scary there for a while...the bug thing...

I know, dog...I thought we were gonna have to break out Jerry Blavat.

Who, now?

The Geator with the Heater?

I don't know him

You don't?

No.

John, you don't know who the Geator is? He's like the pied piper...

Nah, I don't follow him.

Man, he is the icon of white people in the city. But that don't matter, John- we runnin' this city!

Yeah...runnin' it. 'Cept for your dead ass...

Whoa...where'd that come from, dog?

Sorry, man...I'm stressed over Corey. He ain't gonna give us up now, is he?

Well, you know that's not exactly mine to worry about any more, if you know what I mean, my brother...

Riiiiight...

Right.

So- anyway, thanks...and I'll, uh...look you up then?

Riiiiight.

Can You Believe These Savages?

2005-05-16T15:53:00.000-04:00

I'm just wondering why out of the alleged 1.3 billion Muslims worldwide, why none of them find this odd...

First of all, they all of a sudden believe the US media, controlled as it is by Zionists?

I think this dumbass sums it up best:

Sayed Elyas Sedaqat, who heads a cultural group in the eastern Afghan city of Jalalabad, where the protests began last Tuesday, said: "Possibly, the American government put pressure on the magazine to issue the retraction to avoid the anger of Muslims."

So the omnipotent Zionist-dominated government of the US- the same one that has a hidden hand in all opression of Muslims worldwide- is now pressuring it's Zionist-dominated media to backtrack out of fear of Muslim anger?

Which is it, Sayed? Are we afraid of you, or dominating you so thoroughly that you can't progress as a culture?

As if I didn't already know this...

2005-05-16T01:49:00.000-04:00

http://www.blogthings.com/howsinfulareyouquiz/

Check out the "Wrath". Sheesh. I won't feign any surprise over the "lust" or "sloth" parts, but I didn't think I was that wrathful...

On the bright side, since I don't presently have any STDs, that at least that means I get to have sex again someday.

"Reverend" Hymie-Town Speaks...

2005-05-15T00:26:00.000-04:00

"Reverend" Hymie Town does us proud again...

A top U.S. civil rights figure on Saturday criticized Mexican President Vicente Fox's comment that Mexican immigrants to the United States take jobs "that not even blacks want to do."

The Rev. Jesse Jackson called the remark "a spurious comparison" with "ominous racial overtones."

But then "Reverend" Hymie Town explains away all his righteous indignation over these "ominous racial overtones" by backing off completely-- after all, he wants to remain united against whitey with the other Brown People™...

He said Fox's comment about "blacks" seemed to be about a stereotype. "Most poor Americans are not black, they're white," he added.

But Jackson stopped short of saying Fox should apologize.

"I don't know about that," he said, adding that the comment was "unwitting, unnecessary, and inappropriate."

Unwitting? You mean like when you "unwittingly" referred to New York City as "Hymie Town", and called Jews "Hymies"? What, did those words just leap from your reluctant mouth while you were fast asleep, or did they peal forth while you valiantly struggled to say something nice about Jews? That damn mouth...always sayin' stuff I don't intend!

Pretending a remark isn't disparaging when it comes from the mouth of a fellow minority shows real class, "Reverend" Hymie Town. What if David Duke had said the same thing-- or President Bush?

You'd be in a gawdawful fucking lather of a self-righteous frenzy, wouldn't you, "Reverend" Hymie Town?

Guest-Bloggin' Part Deux (Hot Shots)

2005-05-13T15:06:00.000-04:00

WOW!

My first day at 1 Ayn Rand was a blast! Some of my new temporary co-workers took me out last night to Chairman eDog's favorite nightclub...

After we had been there for a few hours, it dawned on me that something was missing there.

Women.

I still can't figure out why women shun these guys, because they're so much fun. One of them was always rubbing my back, or stroking my thigh-- I felt very welcomed, so I can't see why none of these guys have girlfriends.

Anyway, you can see I was right when I called these guys a bunch of party animals.

I think I must've eaten something funny last night though, because I woke up around 3 this afternoon with real a pounding headache, bad dry-mouth, and a strange jockstrap on the couch next to me...

Guest-Bloggin'

2005-05-13T00:14:00.000-04:00

OK,

So I figured if were to be eDog's guest-blogger while he's away, I'd better get myself down to 1 Ayn Rand Plaza and check out my temporary office.

I wasn't sure what to make of the building itself (even after I checked the address a few more times to be sure the Taxi driver had taken me to the right place), but I figured the real architectural delights would be inside...

So I was looking around the building and thinking how strange some of my temporary co-workers looked, when I found the executive washroom.

At least I think it was the executive washroom in comparison to the other one, which was a real bitch to clean...

Hopefully eDog will call or e-mail soon with the passwords to his blog. Meanwhile, I'm going to clean up a little of the stuff that the last occupant of my cubicle apparently left behind.

All in all, it was a really nice first day at 1 Ayn Rand... I think I'm going to have a lot of fun with my new co-workers-- they're always partying, it seems.

More soon, readers!

O, Happy Day!!!

2005-05-12T15:19:00.000-04:00

We at the Internets™ are glad to welcome Sunsara's World back online...we were beginning to run out of commies to ClueBat.

Mourning Our Loss

2005-05-11T15:07:00.000-04:00

While we at Bitter Rants-- and indeed all the internet-- mourn the abrupt demise of Sunsara's World, we must also remain mindful of our further obligations to ridicule anyone with whom we disagree.

Don't forget that indydoug still has his little disaster of a blog up, so let's not rest on our accomplishments yet.

Coming up next week, I'll be doing my first stint as a "guest-blogger" over at Schloss von Winter while Chairman eDog is off in Mexico establishing a new Temp-Staffing agency supplying Lawncare professionals to the US market.

Welcome Comrade Trolls!

2005-05-10T21:51:00.000-04:00

Don't run away trolls...

We care- we really do. Otherwise, we wouldn't be spending our free time disabusing you of your childish affections for the ravings of a madman, and your curious celebration of mass-muderers.

Sorry you felt like you had to take down Sunsara's World, but I'm afraid that just confirms what eDog and I have been saying-- that communism brooks no dissent no matter what Big Bob's Book O' Bullshi'ite says. We're not picking on you, we're only reminding you of history's verdict-- indeed The People™'s Verdict-- that communism sucks.

Similarly, today makes almost four months since Kerry's latest promise to sign a Form 180 and release his military records as he relentlessly hounded President Bush to do.

Please be so kind as to e-mail the Senator from Massachusetts and remind him that the Form 180 is available here for his convenience.

Oh My Freakin' Gawd...

2005-05-06T05:39:00.000-04:00

Would you check out Empress Shrillary's latest bit of skullduggery?

As if the decade-long end-run around popular sovereignty embodied in the Dummycrap's avowed strategy of enforcing their social-engineering agenda by establishing case law in their favor weren't enough, Empress Shrillary is now trying to legalize ballot-stuffing.

Is that book out yet, the one that's supposed to expose once and for all her collectivist leanings as embodied in her post-graduate thesis, her culpability in any number of egregious scandals under Slick Willy's reign, and other scandalous doings?

Look Out, Biznatches!

2005-05-06T04:45:00.000-04:00

I've mastered the little HTML tag for links, so look out.

I'm also about to bust out a mad banner on your faithfully-reading asses, yo.

Are You Listening, Jean Francois?

2005-05-03T14:50:00.000-04:00

Another Tuesday comes and goes...

What changes? Only the ridiculous posturing of a lying failure.

What stays the same? His craven anti-Americanism, and his continued failure to follow through on his own promise to file a Form 180.

Hat-tip to MoonBattery

A Busy Day at NBC10

2005-05-03T01:23:00.000-04:00

Glad we have our priorities straight

Nice to know that a haunted fucking prison is of more import than a dead kid...

You fucking vapid, heartless bastards-- how hard is it to show the shred of human decency entailed in putting the dead kid above the filler?

An Asswhooping

2005-04-29T06:05:00.000-04:00

Would the both of you who aren't eDog that read this blog get over to edogvw.blogspot.com or sunsara.blogspot.com and witness the carnage?

We have been open-firing on memes, slaughtering MoonBats, destroying liberals, attaching telephone wires to asshats, teabagging morons in their sleep, inserting blasting caps into the anuses of treasured lefty ideals, ravaging the Idiotarian countryside, and generally breaking balls in a manner reminiscent of Jinjus Khan.

Join us, won't you?

A Beautiful Day In The Gayborhood™

2005-04-22T15:55:00.000-04:00

Today marks the return of a legendary feature here at BitterRants-- the chronicle of life here in the Gayborhood, or as some prefer to call it, BoizTown.

It seems that a certain Mens' room at Strawbridge & Clothier's department store had become know as a big ol' gay cruising spot, and was frequently the scene of bacchanalian gay sex parties, apparently arranged over the Internets™
(Ed. note--Do you think it's inventor, Al Gore, intended that?).

In keeping with their general tradition of figuring things like this out only after said phenomenon had "jumped the shark", the Cops busted it last night and still managed to detain a number of similarly unfashionable men who also thought it still the thing to do. I guess they'll stay more updated on the currency of cruising spots now, won't they?

Ugh.

Kerrywatch Continues...

2005-04-06T14:31:00.000-04:00

Jean Francois de Kerrie

What an asshole. This guy tries to sell himself as a war hero while bashing the service of President Bush in the TANG. We know he's going to run again-- all unmitigated egomaniacs are compelled to implode on a national stage (right Howie?).

The funny thing is, he's not going to be able to make any mention whatsoever of the main selling-point he used last time-- his fake-you-out war hero status. After months of BlogBursts for Kerry, he can't possibly have the gall to ignore it and run as a war hero again. But he does, and he will.

Albeit a day late (BlogBursts for Kerry take place on Tuesdays), I have weighed in with a note offering to assist Monsieur Kerrie with finding a form 180...

Dear Mr. Kerry,

In case you are having trouble locating the appropriate forms with which to release your military records (as you have repeatedly promised to do in order to lend creedence to your attacks on President Bush), they are available for download here:

http://www.archives.gov/research_room/obtain_copies/standard_form_180.pdf

If you have so much as a molecule of integrity left after the shameful performance of your presidential campaign, you'll do as you have promised.

Barring that, I would expect to hear nary a peep from you about your service should you be foolhardy enough to run a second time.

You are a shameful braggart and a fraud, sir.

With all sincerity,

Some Guy

That ought to suffice.

Another American Hero

2005-03-25T21:17:00.000-05:00

I have a buddy who's a newsman for the AP, and he sent me this copy that he contributed a few days ago, which subsequently ran in a Colorado newspaper.

He told me that it was a very unusual situation-- he has conducted numerous interviews with bereaved families since the beginning of the WoT, but this one stood out in his mind for a very particular reason. On average, he says, when he calls a bereaved family for the purpose of soliciting their comments, he finds that around half are unwilling (either from shock, grief, or the simple desire for privacy) to talk to him. Of the people who are willing to say a few words about their lost loved one, most of the time it is the mother who will do so. He says men tend to be too emotional to speak, or are more interestsed in maintaining their privacy in their time of loss.

This family, however, was different-- both parents were actually eager to comment, and he took turns speaking with both the mother and father of the lost soldier.

My friend was amazed to find that neither parent harbored anger or bitterness over their son's death-- on the contrary, they were literally bursting with pride in their boy, for he is truly a hero.

On Monday, March 7th, PFC Michael W. Franklin, 22, of Coudersport PA, was killed along with another soldier when an IED detonated near their checkpoint in Ramadi, Iraq.

Franklin's mother told my friend the AP reporter that her son, who was single, had regularly volunteered for hazardous duties so as to allow the married soldiers in his group to avoid them.

I am once again amazed at this soldier's heroism-- and at once, grateful for the selflessness displayed by our men and women in uniform. Please pass this story on to everyone you know-- those who are proud of the USA's efforts to bring the hope of democracy to where before there was none, as well as to those who would question the nature of our soldiers and their mission.

And raise a glass to PFC Michael W. Franklin, who gave his life that others may go home to their wives and children.

Here's what remains (after editing by the Colorado paper) of my buddy's report:

FORT CARSON, Colo. (AP) _ Two soldiers from the 2nd Brigade Combat > Team that is moving to Fort Carson were killed during a car bomb attack > in Iraq, the Army said Wednesday. > ¶ Sgt. Andrew L. Bossert, 24, of Fountain City, Wis., and Pfc. > Michael > W. Franklin, 22, of Coudersport, Pa., died Monday when a guerrilla car > bomb detonated near their checkpoint in Ramadi. Both were assigned to > the brigade's 44th Engineer Battalion. > ¶ The two deaths raise the 2nd Brigade's losses in Iraq to 48, > exceeding all other Fort Carson units combined. The brigade went to > Iraq > in August from bases in South Korea and was assigned to Fort Carson for > its return next summer. > ¶ The brigade has been patrolling Ramadi, one of Iraq's most > dangerous > cities. > ¶ An offensive launched last week aims to take control of the city > from insurgents, who are increasingly using car bombs to kill > Americans. > Operation River Blitz, which includes Marines and soldiers from the 2nd > Brigade, involves a dusk-to-dawn curfew and checkpoints at all > entrances > to Ramadi in a bid to trap guerrilla fighters, the brigade said in a > news release. > ¶ Bossert enlisted in the Army five years ago after graduating from > Fountain City High School and was shipped to Iraq last August, his > mother, Diane Bossert, said. > ¶ Bossert, who was married two years ago, loved motorcycles and had > dreams of becoming an architect after he finished his military career > in > a year, his mother said. > ¶ Franklin had joined the Army because he wanted to follow in the > footsteps of two uncles in the military and volunteered to go to Iraq > because he believed in the mission, his parents said. > ¶ "He was in Korea first, and one day he called and said, 'Mom, I > volunteered to go to Iraq.' " Tina Franklin said. "I probably could > have > stopped him, because he's my son. But he's a man, and he's old enough > to > make his own decisions. He was so excited about it." > ¶ She said her son, who was single, would frequently volunteer for > dangerous missions to keep married men from having to go. > ¶ Franklin, who would have turned 23 on April 2, was planning to > visit > home for a couple of weeks around the time of his birthday, his parents > said.

God bless you, Mr. and Mrs. Franklin, and may you be comforted by the memory of your shining, outstanding son.

And Godspeed to you, PFC Michael Franklin-- you are a hero to all of us.

Fucking Hilarious

2005-03-22T21:51:00.000-05:00

I had almost forgotten what assholes Lerch and Silky Pony were until I saw this delightful little collage over at Van Helsing's Moonbattery (blogrolled at left)

BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Four more years, you damn hippies!!!

So Let Me Get This Straight...

2005-03-22T16:29:00.000-05:00

~~Palestinian~~ displaced-Arab "Lawmakers" choice-- Audi A6

So where I live, car insurance for someone in my neighborhood without their own secure parking costs up to 3,000.00 per year for a reasonable amount of liability and indemnity. That is the chief reason I'm so fortunate to have a company car-- but my employer is only responsible to it's shareholders, and countries aren't for-profit entities that can offer perks like this to employees.

That's what makes this so unbelieveably frustrating. And the president wants to double our guilt-tithe to these bastards to nearly a billion dollars? Not till I get my free car.

So let me see if I've gotten this straight-- all I have to do, if I want a free, 76,000.00 luxury car is to imprison millions of people in a hopeless limbo between statehood and oblivion, send an army of religiously-indoctrinated child-murderers across borders, and bleed my subjects to death by siphoning aid monies for the purpose of funding lavish, international-jetset lifestyles for my wife and cronies?

Cool.

PA's $76,000 Audis rev up public outcry
Khaled Abu Toameh, THE JERUSALEM POST Mar. 18, 2005

The Palestinian Authority's decision to purchase more than 100 new vehicles for all members of the Palestinian Legislative Council and the new cabinet has drawn sharp criticism from some Palestinians.

The PA's 24 ministers will each receive a German Audi A-6 car, which costs $76,000. The 86 lawmakers will be given the cheaper version of Audi, the A-4, which costs an estimated $45,000.

Palestinian columnist Yahya Rabah on Thursday attacked the decision to buy the expensive vehicles at a time when the PA is cutting expenditure in many fields, and can't pay police salaries.

"First, I would like to point out that there are no ministers, legislators and leaders in the world without cars," Rabah said. "But everything is relative. The PA is hardly able to pay the civil servants or cover running expenses, members of the security forces are struggling to get a 20 percent rise in their wages, and we still haven't solved the problem of unemployment."

Rabah pointed out that thousands of hungry unemployed laborers attacked the offices of the PLC in Gaza City last Saturday to protest against the PA's failure to solve their plight.

"What will happen when these workers see the
new cars parked outside the Palestinian Legislative Council offices?" he
asked.

"How will we explain the decision to pay only $1,500 to the families whose houses have been demolished or blown up?"

How indeed.

Haven't these idiots heard of Hyundais, or is that beneath a ~~death-cultist for child-murder~~ noble ~~Palestinian~~ displaced-Arab "lawmaker"?

St. Patrick = Little Eichmann!

2005-03-18T01:38:00.000-05:00

St. Eichmann

I am simply apalled at the disgusting display of speciesism we have to be subject to each year at this time.

While millions across the USA don their green apparel, and swill green beer, sing off-key drinking songs, and generally act like, well, drunken, shamrock-plucking, jig-dancing, clay-pipe-smoking, bar-brawling Irishmen, we all ignore the fact that St. Patrick conducted genocide.

That's right-- genocide. St. Patrick is famed for nothing other than driving all snakes from the lovely emerald isle. The Adolph Eichmann of his time, "Saint" Patrick is responsible for the destruction of an entire species. Other than George Bush, and perhaps Dick Cheney, I can't think of any other single person responsible for the systematic murder of an entire species.

I could just vomit.

[/MoonBat]

Must. Defeat. Leftism.

2005-03-14T15:58:00.000-05:00

I guess that's why they're called "Lefties".

Give no quarter to the Leftist.

Do not accomodate them on any matter. They will throw up the old smokescreens of "Liberal policy created social security" and "Liberal thinking gave us the civil rights movement", but you must remain resolved against their pet ideologies and rote tactics, for they are what puts us in danger in the fight against Islamism.
The Leftist's weapons are moral relativism, tu- quoque argument, and semantic acrobatics. The only way to defeat them is to be aware of these things, and nail them with that awareness every time they open their filthy lie-holes.

Both of those assertions about early twentieth-century Leftism may have been true, but the reality is that both of those institutions-- ~~civil rights~~ Identity politics and social security-- have become utter morasses of entitlement thinking and vicitimhood which, moreover represent the current state of gimme-gimme-gimme Leftism.

While the march of Freedom continues through the darkest backwaters of the medieval Middle Eastern world, the Leftists will ambush and harry us at every turn-- it's what they do, to try and kill by a thousand tiny cuts. They'll deny W's policy is behind the change. They'll decry the change itself. They'll switch topics and complain about domestic issues when they run out of gassy, strident rhetoric on the other issues.

Don't let one smug little swipe at W go unpunished. Don't let one flagrantly biased news account go unmarked by a pointed letter to whomever may be responsible for it's publication. We know what they want-- power. And if it has to come at the price of the destruction of their own country, so be it-- then they'll be able to do what they really want, which is to say "I told you so" to the lovers of individualism and self-determination

No quarter.

None.

OK, Who's ready To Make It Interesting?

2005-02-28T00:32:00.000-05:00

This is getting altogether too predicatble, this slow-motion implosion of the Democrat party. I mean, it was funny when they started making rumblings that Dean would run for DNC chairman. Then other candidates started dropping out and endorsing him. Then he won, and it was like some wonderful Christmas dream of slot-cars and minibikes come true. They actually chose Screamin' Howie, and the train hurtles towards the abyss. There isn't anything they could do that would be worse than this.

Or could there be? What if, in some twisted, absinthe-tainted fever-dream, Hillary Clinton were to suddenly seem like a viable candidate?

I wonder... I wonder... I wonder... I wonder... I wonder...
________________________________________

From the AP--

TOKYO - Former President Clinton said Sunday that his wife, Hillary, would be an
excellent choice as the first female leader of the world’s most powerful nation.

Look how it starts-- the synthesis of an Idiotarian Parallel Reality™. First, President Clinton says it's OK, and nobody in the media has the stones to say, "Uh, this bitch created the greedy 80's!". She's as filthy a profiteer as any Martha Stewart or Dennis Koslowski. Not quite as filthy as a Terry McAuliffe, but you get the picture.

In an interview with Japan’s TV Asahi, Clinton said he did not know whether his wife, the senator of New York state, has any plans to one day run for the presidency. “I don’t know if she’ll run or not,” he told the network, but added, “She would make an excellent president, and I would always try to help her.”

What are we, idiots now? He doesn't know? Obviously, they haven't engaged in any "pillow talk" in years now, so that

may

be plausible. But I'd love to have seen the twinkle in ol' Slick Willy's eye when he coughed up that dungnugget just the same. Ah, the good old days!

Separately on Sunday, Sen. Joseph Biden said Senator Clinton would be incredibly difficult to beat if she decides to run for president.

OK, so for those of you keeping track at home, that's "Guy With Gravitas™" number two weighing in to reinforce what GWG™ number one said earlier-- if you believe it, it's true! Like Fairies! Yay!

Clinton has said she plans to run for re-election as New York senator in 2006. Speculation has periodically surfaced, however, that the 57-year-old former first lady may have her sights set for the presidency in 2008.

Oh, she'll run for re-election to the senate-- then she'll duck out on her job like her Komrad, Kerry. Now where could all this speculation be coming from...could it be fueled by things that, oh say, President Clinton might have said?

Results from a U.S. poll released last week showed that six in 10 American voters believe the United States is ready for a female president.

That might even be true...but what the last election showed in spades is that a similiar portion of the country would reject a woman if she also happened to be a shrill, flim-flamming weathervane (not to mention carpetbagging feminist ideologue), like their last big hope was.

Fifty-three percent thought Hillary Clinton should try for the job, according to the survey by the Siena College Research Institute and sponsored by Hearst Newspapers.

53 percent of whom, Sierra Club members?

“If she did run and she was able to win, she’d make a very, very good president,” Clinton said Sunday. “I think now she’s at least as good as I was.”

OK, now that could have been included with that last, slightly different iteration of the exact same idea-- so MSNBC is clearly trying to run that idea past us as many times in a single sitting as possible...and the synthesis of opinion continues.

Biden, speaking on NBC’s “Meet the Press,” said all the Democrats need to worry about Clinton.

“I think she’d be incredibly difficult to beat,” the Delaware Democrat said. “I think she is the most difficult obstacle for anyone being the nominee.”

He added, “She is likely to be the nominee. She’d be the toughest person and I think Hillary Clinton is able to be elected president of the United States.”

See the pattern? That could've been included with the last mention of him, but again, the goal here is soften the battlefield-- i.e. your brain-- with as many repetitions of the concept that Shrillary Will be Next™. You are getting sleepy...

We can thus see some of the methods by which the Dummies are synthesizing support for Shrillary in the same manner they tried to do with Soon-to-be former senator Lerch...

It's Like Some Wonderful Dream

2005-02-13T01:55:00.000-05:00

Corky just wants to be normal...

It's all coming true, just like some wonderful Christmas dream of slot-cars and minibikes.

Screamin' Howie is the new Terry McAwful, and it's already being said that Dummycrat party officials are pleased because this frees up space for...wait for it, because it's what we all want...Shrillary!

Empress Shrillary, with her intellectual peers

Oh, how sweet that would be...for them to nominate a shrill, carpetbagging feminist ideologue like her. She will go down faster than a Parisian in a prizefight.

Cross your fingers, gentle readers!

Joey D With City Rhythm Orchestra

2005-02-12T00:08:00.000-05:00

©2005, TripleNeckSteel

Saw Joey D with City Rhythm, a 15-piece swing outfit, tonight-- both sets.

Joey had the B decked out for a proper jazz funeral befitting the master, Jimmy Smith, with black bunting and a small framed portrait mounted to the back panel of the Organ.

All the standards got aired out-- Moanin', Señor Blues, Pennies From Heaven, Caravan, Perdido, plus a number of Jimmy Smith pieces like The Cat, and Walk on The Wild Side, plus Joey sang three or four times!

Joey was much more into the show than most of the times I've seen him recently, when he was apparently going through some stuff, including moving to Arizona. The arrangements must have been a piece of cake for him, because he played most of the show with only his right hand, except when he was doubling up for some heavy chorus stuff during a finale, or holding a note while glissing the bottom manual.

All in all, a pretty good show from Joey. They'll be playing again March 20th at Zanzibar Blue in Philadelphia, to introduce their new album, which is their second together.

James Oscar Smith, 1929-2005, RIP

2005-02-10T14:47:00.000-05:00

James Oscar Smith, 1929-2005

Jimmy remains the biggest influence on the music in my head, and the music I play.

Something about the trio that just works for me on an instinctual level, whether it's a Rockabilly trio, or a Hammond Organ trio...the perfect, unembellished elements of music.

Jimmy changed jazz, and invented what we know of as the voice of Hammond Organ as a jazz instrument. Others my well surpass him in sheer technique, but none will ever approach his mastery of subtle voicings, drawbar settings, pedal/left-hand interplay, and Leslie manipulations.

In recent years, he had only begun receiving the accord due to a true innovator, a true genius. His recent receipt of the NEA American Jazz Master award was a major acknowledgement of Jimmy's contribution to the form.

UPDATE 2/11/05-

Here's Joey DeFrancesco's B3 at a concert in Pennsauken NJ Friday, Feb. 11th-- a tribute to the man.

Rest in peace, Jimmy.

Another Foolish European Anti-Semitic Dhimmi

2005-02-09T16:59:00.000-05:00

Shaggy and friend. Scooby apparently outside taking a crap.

This is the little wankette who put the ~~Jew-bashing~~ anti-Israeli comments up here before I banned him...

Go. Read For Yourselves™ how I whooped ass on him. There will be more, as he needs a thorough re-Neducation...

UPDATE- Poor Leona had to move his blog...he claims it was because of the traffic loads brought on by LCs visiting him to flame his ass to death...all 27 comments worth.

Must be that quality European web-hosting.

Either that, or the pathetic UK economy doesn't afford him whatever measly bandwidth he used generating absolutely no comments in the entire time his "blog" was up!!!

BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

UPDATE 2//11/05-

I think Leona's banned me!

[Groundskeeper Willy] Och! must be r-r-r-r-retaliatory!!! [/Groundskeeper Willy)

Why You Should Worry

2005-02-07T21:33:00.000-05:00

Hat Tip to LGF

There's a reason why I believe that not only do the various Bin Ladenists and Islamists in general desire above all to attain nuclear weapons, but the Arab world as well.

An issue scarcely mentioned in all of the numerous exegises seeking to explain the Arab world's preoccupation with atomic weapons is the notion of parity. The Arab, and indeed the entire Muslim world has failed entirely to maintain parity with the West on any level. Only with the ever-increasing access to information from an ever-increasing variety of sources reaching further into the realms of the Emirs, Sheiks, Mullahs, Muftis and assorted Murdercrats, the average person is becoming exposed to this lack of parity at every turn. They know very well that while they are hungry, we have competitive eating. They have cheap chinese sandals, while we have reeboks. It is not in the nature of the Arab character to question authority, nor is it exactly welcomed on the part of those in authority, so we all know the standard chain of events-- general privation ignored by leaders, incensed populace then fed calumny and platitude assigning blame for the privation they experience to the Greater and Lesser Satans, the US and Israel.

The leaders for their part know that they will likely never achieve the economic parity that would address many if not most of their subjects' needs- at least not without losing power they won't. The rubric being that the absence of material wealth, and the progress and comforts that accompany it, is not the result of despotic, corrupt rule, but of the machinations of the two Satans. In the fashion of a jealous child who steals a coveted trinket fom a more-priveleged friend, they wish to steal the parity that comes from owning the world's most deadly and destructive technologies.

Their hold on power derives from the familial and tribal stranglehold on their respective economies, so there can be no gains for the average Arab without corresponding loss on the part of the elite. The atomic bomb would enable them to force the West to recognize their angry tantrums, and also to declare to their subjects that they have restored the former mein of supremacy to the Arab people. No work, no progress, no happy and well-fed populace-- just the power to damage a hated enemy.

One lucky connection, a fortuitous theft, and the continued unwillingness by those in the West who can stop them is all they need to attain their goal. It should go without saying that this parity is not the goal, but merely a weigh station on the path to ultimate dominion of Islam-- a way to force us to submit under pain of death.

Who Are You, Oh Citizen of The Playboy Nation?

2005-02-07T20:39:00.000-05:00

I lost my sitetracker script when I was screwing around trying to get blogrolling up and running, so I had to modify my template again before work.

When I got home, I checked my sitetracker stats and found a visitor from Playboy.

Who are you, oh priveleged one from The Land of Breasts™, and what has brought you here?

Please let me know!

UPDATE- Now a visitor from Los Alamos National Labs? I hope I'm not in some kind of trouble!

Anyone Recognize This?

2005-02-07T01:02:00.000-05:00

Scrutiny of Arab Hate Campaign Prompts Fear of the Future

It's no secret that media in the Palestinian Authority, as in much of the Muslim world, present depictions of Jews that would not have been out of place in the most anti-Semitic of Nazi publications.

You would think it were some kind of secret, the way people still manage to get away with portaying the Israelis as Nazis, or as "Genocidal", or even "Aparthiedists", or any of the other slurs meant to invert the true nature of the Arab war of extermination against Israel and Jews.

But are such depictions laying the groundwork for genocide?

I don't see what other purpose the Arabs could have if left completely unchecked. They mean to inculcate their populaces with hatred, and it can not be ignored how skillfully they have learned to ingratiate themselves with the Euro-elites by adopting their leftist rhetoric of oppression.

Natan Sharansky, Israel’s minister for Jerusalem and Diaspora Affairs, called a news conference last week to present a report by Palestinian Media Watch on anti-Semitism in the Palestinian Authority.

Palestinian Media Watch exists, of course, because the enemy organ we know of as the UN, being dominated by Socialists and Dictators-- the very types who should have been excluded-- deliberately ignores the role of incitement in the Arab war against Israel.

The report charges the P.A.’s religious, political and academic leaders promote “an ideology of virulent hatred of Jews and Israel that mandates the killing of Jews as a religious obligation.”

While the revelations are not new, the report collects them systematically, and argues that Palestinians are following the Nazi pattern of portraying Jews as subhuman and a danger to humankind — steps that may help create a mindset condoning the killing of such figures.

Isn't the phrase "religious, political and acdemic leaders" a tad redundant when you're referring to Muslims? They're one and the same, for those of you just tuning in to the jihad.

As far as what "mindset" is promoted by the systematic dehumanization of an enemy, I think we only need to look to the provided example of Nazi Germany to see what that leads to...or Rwanda, if you still don't get it (I'm talking to you, Europe!)

“As in Nazi Germany, there is an entire ‘culture of hatred’ in Palestinian society today, from textbooks to crossword puzzles, from day camps to TV music videos,” said Sharansky, who heads the government’s struggle against anti-Semitism. “And calling for the murder of Jews, as Jews, is the end result.”

If you've got the stomach, go. Read it all. And then try and tell me the ~~terrorstinians~~ Palestinians are Israel's Partners in Peace™

2005-02-07T00:57:00.000-05:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Shocked, I Tell You!

2005-02-05T01:41:00.000-05:00

Annan 'shocked' by initial oil-for-food report

And in other headlines:

Pope Shocked To Learn He's Catholic

And

Osama Bin Laden Hates America

But back to Kofi's stunning little display of dissembling...

"We do not want this shadow to hang over the U.N. So we want to get to the bottom of it, get to the truth and take appropriate measures to deal with the gaps," he told reporters at U.N. headquarters in New York.

I wouldn't want that shadow hanging over any group I were part of either-- that shit makes them look like mere petty larcenists when we all know what the monstrous result of their flim-flammery really is. Appropriate measures will no doubt include-- once again-- denying Kofi's son is involved as a matter of course, then setting up various committees to explore how to continue, then some to explore how the Arab states want to use it to further their Amrika- hating agenda.

Paul Volcker's report, released Thursday, said Benon Sevan "repeatedly solicited" several million barrels of oil worth about $1 million on behalf of a company named African Middle East Petroleum. The illicit deals "violated standards of integrity," the report said.

So let's see... The guy who was appointed to oversee this investigation says that they guy who was appointed to oversee the United Nations Child Starvation For Oil-Kickbacks™ scheme was on the take. Given the number of people alleged to have taken part in UNCSFOK, and the length of time over which this took place, how again, exactly is it plausible for Kofi to be "shocked"?

Sevan, a 40-year U.N. employee who was appointed in 1997 as executive director of the oil-for-food program, denied the allegations late Thursday afternoon.

There's 40-year UN employees? I find that just as disquieting as the notion of someone being an ~~influence-monger~~ er, senator as long as Ted Kennedy (Communist- MA) has been. It's very suspicious. I'm just sayin'.

"I think I'm not the only one who was shocked by what we read in the report," Annan said.

Yes you are, Kofi-- most people who don't live in the peaceful shade of Saddam Hussein's lower intestine have been aware of this for quite some time.

"He's been here working with many of us for quite a time, and we had not expected anything of the sort."

Which is a line right out of central scripting to be trotted out whenever someone has to express shock that "Harry down in accounting" turns out to have been stealing for forty years. It's no more believable today than it was back in that era.

But, Annan said, "I think we should wait until the work is done before we draw definitive conclusions."

Translation: "Give us more time...the document shredders they are slow, and we are weary."

Annan said the U.N. takes seriously any allegations of corruption or misbehavior.

And to use a device of the sage Jerry Seinfeld:

Anyone can "Take" an allegation seriously, Kofi...it's the "Investigation and prosecution of those responsible" part you seem to be a little ~~woefully inadequate~~ lacking on.

Iraq's ambassador to the United Nations said proceeds from Iraqi oil sales
should not be used to pay for the investigation.

"I have written to the secretary-general raising our objection, and I have
written to members of the Security Council, and I will be calling upon all
members of the U.N. to protect Iraqis' interest in this regard," said Ambassador
Samir Sumaidai.

And I couldn't agree more...it should be like civil court here in America-- you get hauled in for some civil matter, and you have to pay for your representation, an investigator, etc. If the complainant is found to have failed to prove your liability, they pay for your case.

Therefore, I suggest that France, Russia, and China, and any others of the group of principle beneficiaries of Saddam's largesse should have to foot the bill for their own defense. If they can beat the rap, then fine-- the UN is holding the bag.

Under the oil-for-food program, Iraq was allowed to export a limited supply of its crude oil and earmark the revenues for purchases of food, medicine and supplies.

Right-- only the problem was that the French, Russians, and Chinese hatched Sooper Seekrit Skeemz™ with Saddam that lead to the embezzlement of somewhere in the neighborhood of $21 Billion dollars that we know of.

"Some of that money is still valid. Just because the oil-for-food program has ended does not mean that these contracts won't take place," Haq said.

I can envision a little lamb bleating "Do-o-o-n't take away our mo-o-o-oney, Mr. Bush! Ple-e-e-e-ease!"

We can, and perhaps we should. After all, what the hell has the UN shown itself to be capable of during any of the last decade's humanitarian crises?

Tsunami? Fuhgeddaboudit.

A spokesman for the U.S. State Department called Annan's remarks "a clear statement of concern and commitment and responsibility on the part of the leadership of the United Nations."

WHAT? You'd think this was coming from Colon PIeHole and The Foggy Bottom Stumblers™. Didn't you %#@^%* a-holes get Dr. Rice's first memo? None of this gobbledy-gook will be tolerated any longer! Say something that means something, or shut your flapping blowhole, you mindless boot-scrape!

"Clearly, what we have as of today are serious charges regarding the conduct of certain U.N. officials and recognition of the need for broader management reforms and increased transparency," deputy State Department spokesman Adam Ereli said.

Recognition? On the part of whom? I don't hear any "recognition" coming from Turtle Bay...

A "definitive report" by Volcker's commission is due by midsummer, and that document also will look at the role of Annan and his son, Kojo. The son worked in the 1990s for Cotecna, a Swiss firm that won a contract to authenticate U.N.-approved shipments entering Iraq.

Revoke their fucking passports. Now.

U.S. congressional committees also are investigating the oil-for-food scandal.

And John Kerry (C-MA) and Teddy K (C-MA) will do their utmost to see that their one-world friends in the UN have enough warning to jet off to some neutral country before the indictments start coming down.

CNN's Elise Labott and Lauren Rivera contributed to this report.

Comsidering the source, that's probably bullshit too.

My Dictionary©

2005-02-02T22:07:00.000-05:00

BusHitler™

Hitler, adj.-(HIT-luhr)

Anything really cool or favorable.

1.) Let's go skiing this weekend-- the weather's gonna be totally Hitler."

2.) Dude, where'd you get those shoes? They're so Hitler!"

Frank J suggests this usage. You see, as the left (especially the creator of this obviously photoshopped image) has thoroughly robbed the name "Hitler" of it's rightful historical connotation by using it to gratuitously malign it's opponents (take a guess who gets the "Hitler" treatment most often), I feel we should now progress the rest of the way-- in much the same manner as Homosexuals reclaimed "Queer".

Since it is no longer necessary for one to massacre 8 million people while attempting to exterminate an entire ethnicity or two in order to earn a Hitler comparison, why should we not now go all the way, and reassign to the name Hitler some happy connotation? It should be manifestly obvious that the old connotations are no longer working for the post-modern discourse.

I really hope the Iggles win the Bowl...it would be quite Hitler.

On the other hand, the next lefty that makes a Hitler comparison in front of me might just get kicked in the larynx.

Another Good Reason...

2005-02-02T01:20:00.000-05:00

The last time the Birds were supposed to go to the SuperBowl, Jerome Brown was killed in a car accident...some people say that wrecked their season, and a lot of guys played the rest of their careers missing him.

I stole the words, but made the collage-- so sue me, as long as you also print out a copy, and put it somewhere prominent!

Friends In Very High Places

2005-01-31T22:07:00.000-05:00

Picture in the window of Mueller's dipping room.

I saw this in the window of a place that manufactures chocolates, including the legendary chocolate-covered onion.

The kid who had it up couldn't have been old enough to have been to many Dead shows, but he had a few versions of this up-- one had Jerry's sign reading "Bring it home for Jerome"! This kid's not just a 'head, he's a hard-core Iggles fan.

Pretty cool.

Take That, You Miserable Bastards!!!

2005-01-30T20:58:00.000-05:00

An Iraqi counts votes for the first time. Ever.

If there's one thing I like better than to see some ridiculous lefty "critic" of the Bush doctrine have to choke down yet another of their own home-made shit sandwiches (Afghanistan's lightning liberation was one, it's first-ever elections another, the fall of Baghdad yet another, and now this election!), it's seeing 26 million people finally beginning to enjoy the freedom that those same ridiculous lefties denigrate and devalue when they so ludicrously try those classic canards of moral relativity, Tu- quoque argument, and semantic or rhetorical contortionism, in their vain and sniveling life's work of hating and vilifying the United States.

How furious must be old man Chomsky, in his lonely, dusty vulture's aerie? One can only imagine the seething anger, and creeping self-reproach he must be feeling while Iraqis throng to the voting booths despite the obvious risks. To those such as he, it must be only another item in the continuing litany of America's crimes against humanity-- wresting a peaceful people from their fuzzy-bunny-ridden utopia in order to enslave them to the American marketplace. Weren't they paying attention to Ben Franklin, with the whole "...deserving of neither freedom nor security" thing?

As this guy says, "You do not deserve to be taken seriously."

I don't know if this will have exactly the effect in the Arab world of showing them all just how wonderful democracy is, but it certainly will show them that there is an alternative to living under absolute despotism that still allows them to retain their Arab and Islamic heritage. They will eventually have to realize that tribe and religion can't any longer obligate them to be such bad neighbors to Israel-- they should conclude that any advance in their standard of living (and any further aid from the West, IMHO) should be then contingent upon joining the world community in observation of certain rights and rule of law.

None the less, even if you wish to reduce it to the coldest calculus imaginable, the lives of Americans who have died in order to bring freedom to Iraq were well worth the number of people who were once hostages to the worst kind of thugs, the worst kind of sadists imaginable, but who are now able to see the first precious rays of freedom due to their sacrifice.

Coupled with the spread of order and progress in Afghanistan, it should be becoming increasingly obvious to the Mullahs, Muftis, and Muezzins that freedom is on the march-- Uncle Sam's knockin' and he's gonna come in.
What's more, there isn't dishdasha-diddlysquat they can do about it.

You're going to get it in stereo, Khameini-- from the Coalition of The Willing™ on one side, and from the utterly enraged youth of Iran-- who chafe under your Monstrocracy, with your stonings, lashings, and hangings, your secret police, your religious police, and your Basiji-- on the other.

You've already seen what they can do.*cough* 1979! *cough*

How can you expect them to go without the benefits of the West when they know about them already? They have satellites and the internet, so how long do you think they'll keep accepting "Because Allah says so©" as an excuse for all this awful bullshit you have foisted on them, lo these many years?

Mmmmmm...That's good asshattery!

2005-01-29T18:12:00.000-05:00

"YEEEEAAAArrrrrggghhh!"

Ohhhhh, how sweet this is...

As someone given to increasing conservatism since the predictable end of the blissful bipartisan fantasy of the immediate post-9/11/01 era, I no longer conceal my abject joy at witnessing the slow-motion trainwreck that is the Democrat party, as it goes careening into the abyss. As usual, Libs/Demos will be quoted in pink.

To wit, gentle readers...

Democrat Party leadership role especially important now

Well of course it is...can you imagine this passal of dummies negotiating all the twists and turns of toilet plumbing without Dr. Scream at the helm?

Harold Ickes, a leading Democratic activist and former aide to President Clinton, said Friday he is backing Howard Dean to be chairman of the Democratic National Committee

Wonderful! The 527 man backs the Moore-Lovin' Moonbat of Montpelier™. What a gift to conservatives-- KKKarl Rove couldn't have asked for characters any more ripe for assassination! You've got the greasiest scumbag of them all backing the looniest loser of the crowd...

"I think all the candidates who are running have strong attributes, but Dean has more of the attributes than the others," said Ickes

BWA HA HA! He means Howie's even loonier then Dennis Kucinich!

"Many people say Howard Dean is a northeastern liberal, he is progressive, but his tenure as governor of Vermont was that of a real moderate."

Oh, my! I couldn't write better stuff than this if i tried!

He is a liberal!

He is a "progressive"!

Ha ha ha! That his record is that of a "Moderate" can only be interpreted two ways-- that they meant "moderately socialist", and that even in Vermont, there's some element of conservative voters reigning in the Moonbat agenda.

Ickes, who heads the political action committee of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, (Socialist-New York)

I knew I smelled something foul...

...said the endorsement was his alone and "does not reflect Sen. Clinton's opinion."

Of course it doesn't! (As if!) Far from being able to present even the merest facade of unity in the face of what they apparently feel to be the "time of America's greatest peril" at the hands of the Republican Huns, they'll take even greater pains to distance themselves from each other than they did during Operation TrainWreck 2004©-- lest any of the stench from that abject failure should linger in their constituents' collective nostrils long enough to taint their own fawning ambitions.

While Ickes would not comment on the Clintons' preferences, he is a close ally and would not be endorsing Dean against their strong objections. No one was immediately available in Sen. Clinton's office to comment.

Never let it be said that everyone at the Communist News Network is a stone-cold moron! I hadn't even read that far into the article (I prefer to Fisk on-the-fly), and that conclusion seemed obvious already. It's Deja-Vu all over again.

Ickes said Dean "has a real ability to communicate with people in leadership, but also to grass-roots and average Americans. He understands the need for party building."

"Party-building" is liberal loserspeak for "We need more votes", which would seem obvious after losing so much ground in the last decade. You would think.
But here they go again, ready to hand the football to the very same feckless mook that accelerated the fast-break from reality the Dems took last cycle when Howie incorporated his idea of "average Americans" into the party-- the Moonbat Brigades.

That "built the party", only it didn't "build the vote".

With Democrats out of power in the White House, Senate and House, the Democratic Party's leadership role is especially important.

Only because if they don't have some clowning loudmouth mugging and capering for our amusement, we'd forget that they're there at all. They would literally cease to exist. Entirely.

The candidates for Democratic chair are former presidential candidate Dean, former Texas Rep. Martin Frost, Democratic activists Donnie Fowler and Simon Rosenberg, former Denver Mayor Wellington Webb, former Indiana Rep. Tim Roemer and former Ohio state chair David Leland.

Never heard of 'em. Wait...yes I have...wait, no I haven't. But why not try that Obama-lama-Ding-Dong, or whatever his name was, that you guys gave the Clinton-style, lower-lip biting, "I was a troubled kid who tried pot", soft-sell to at your ~~Whine-In~~ er, I mean "Convention"?

Where's your Obama now, eh losers?

The candidates are invited to New York City this weekend for the last ~~orgiastic display of expense-account abuse~~ regional candidate forum. On Sunday and Monday, state party leaders will discuss whom they want to endorse

Early next week, the AFL-CIO could decide whether to endorse one of the candidates.

They're still working out the actual dollars-and-cents part of their deal...

Frost points to his record as head of the Democrats' congressional campaign committee in 1996 and 1998, raising $80 million and helping House Democrats gain ground on Republicans.

Um, guys, you've lost ground.

Fowler says his experience running campaigns in more than a dozen states over several campaigns helps him understand what state chairs need to build a successful party.

Clearly not the case.

Rosenberg points to his success raising money for the centrist New Democrat Network and his aggressive campaign to win Hispanic support for the party.

Lost Hispanic voters. Got them nowhere.

Roemer notes his background in national security as a member of the September 11 commission and his ability to appeal to voters in all states.

That sounds suspiciously like "I was in Vietnam", doesn't it? Besides, wasn't he the asshat that all the others said was making the job harder because he insisted on making public announcements all the time?

Webb says his experience as a mayor would help him connect to local Democratic officials.

That's nice. But you don't connect with the voters.

Leland points to his ties in Ohio, the critical state in the 2004 presidential election.

That they lost!!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA! This dumbass is actually taking the bullet for losing Ohio!!! What is he thinking-- "History Loves a Loser"???

Oh, my goodness! I'm almost out of breath from the laughter these guys induce.

Could it be that I misunderstand this whole thing, and they're just employing some kind of Sooper Seekrit Sarkazum™ in an effort to connect with The Kids™, or is this some CNN intern's idea of snarky satire?

One can only hope it's not just some wonderful dream...

The Foulest Of The Foulest™

2005-01-26T22:40:00.000-05:00

Gargoylus Cigarettophilus (Celibatum)

I cannot possibly describe this specimen, except to say that I am at once both fascinated, and repelled by it.

It bears some similarity to other more familiar species, such as ants, in that it has specialized to an enormous degree. This specimen's purpose (having ruled out reproduction upon first glance) is among the most bizarre in the whole animal kingdom.

This creepy, almost gargoyle-like creature has found the socioecological niche of trying to convince Human societies that second-hand cigarette smoke is not harmful. It bleats and squawks things that sound almost as though it's saying "Junk science!", but as it is not human, it cannot reason.

Reason, of course, tells us that if cigarette smoke is harmful, then slightly-dilute smoke is at least slightly harmful.

Its droppings take the form of something resembling a book-- or screed, at least-- and should be disposed of promptly as to reduce the likelihood of their infectious properties having a negative impact on surrounding populations.

I would link to its website, but not only do I not want it seeing my site in its referrals, I just don't want to dignify it with the hits it would get from here.

I'm going to go rub Clorox into my eyes now.

Did You Hear Something? Kind Of A "Swishing" Noise?

2005-01-21T05:28:00.000-05:00

Here "he" is , folks.

I know you've all been waiting for this, so sink your fangs into Seth...

I was almost done chronicling the many species of 'Tards, Trolls, SpEds, Rejects, Losers, Asshats, BlowMonkies, FuckNuggets, Evil-Doers, and other indigenous fauna at the P&P®, but then along came Seth...

When I first saw him, he was wearing a woman's camelhair coat, with big lapels, and a tighly-belted midsection. He was also sporting womens' stiletto-heeled boots and leg warmers. Remember those? Most likely not, as any sane person alive at the time has spent considerable effort to repress all memory of the late 1970s and early 1980s.

I had my camera, but I needed some ruse to convince him to let me take his picture willingly. Of course, I immediately hatched a workable scam, and being a creature of almost unalloyed vanity, he took the bait.

I told him to give me a few "straight" shots, and then to "do something fabulous". Just as I got ready to take the shot...my batteries died.

I got NiMH batteries, and I've been trawling the P&P® ever since in hopes of getting another shot at him-- so here are the two best.

Somebody passing by gave him shit about his fab-u-lous coat, and he brushed them off with something to the effect of taking a look at themselves in the mirror. When they persisted in ragging on his fake fur, he immediately pulled out the last, sputtering retort of the fashion-victim-- "This coat cost nine hundred dollars...", which was of course delivered in high lisp.

Oh, and I ~~couldn't resist adding~~ er, forgot (yeahhhh...that's the ticket!) that apparently, Seth "...dances under the name 'Ty'..."!!!

Oh, and BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Brace Yourselves, Gentle Readers!!!

2005-01-21T04:44:00.000-05:00

I have a veritable cornucopia of juicy, salacious bullshit to shovel your way-- including an entry on the Gayest "Man" On Earth™ as mentioned in a previous entry, and an entry on the most repellant Moonbat Gargoyle™ in Philly, as promised earlier.

Sit tight, gentle readers...the next few entries will feature yours truly at his most scornful and vitriolic best!

Mua Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!

Even Hate-Filled Republicans Can Cat-Blog

2005-01-17T21:19:00.000-05:00

Samuel D. Silverman

This is Sammy. He's pissed off.

You would be too if you'd just had your bladder catheterized.

He's fine now.

More Moronic Lefties

2005-01-13T20:28:00.000-05:00

This is so telling of the liberal mindset that prizes priciple over action...

All of us at CODEPINK wish to express our deepest sadness at the incomprehensible tragedy of the recent tsunami. We are sickened knowing some of the world’s poorest, war torn peoples, who already dealing with so much are faced with such devastation

Which I suppose means they would feel a little less soul-wrenching agony if this were to have taken place in, say, a "red state".

Sadly, we don’t have the resources to take the lead on many issues that we find critical, such as this one

Yes you do-- you simply choose to spend it on Bush-bashing like your little J20 pity party.

But we are committed to do our part to speak out when necessary to help ensure that the victims are treated with respect and dignity and that the relief and reconstruction efforts foster self-governance and local autonomy.

And I'm sure that the Indonesians and Sri Lankans will appreciate this...when the deafening roar of their rumbling stomachs quiets down a bit. I'm sure that respect and dignity will make a great dinner tonight, and help keep the rain off their heads. Assholes.

As our many CODEPINK delegations to Iraq have shown us firsthand, corporate profiteering legitimized by the cloak of “reconstruction” is a reality

I assume you mean the things for which your all-purpose bogeyman "Halliburton" is presently being examined by the DOJ over...but I suppose the concerns which are capable of launching an international reconstruction effort should just donate their goods and services-- for the good of the commune?

We will keep a watchful eye on potential corporate “disaster profiteering” in tsumani-torn regions

'Cause that's so much more important than making sure they get fed...

as well as child slave trafficking of orphaned children

And you'll be doing that in your bras and panties?

and other potential abuses and injustices

POTENTIAL??? I think starvation is more than a simple potential, ladies. But hey-- I'm sure they'll be falling over themselves with appreciation that you've preserved their dignity while they lay on their straw mats weak with hunger and malaria.

Because we know without justice in all its forms there can be no peace.

Um, I think you have that backwards, ladies... it's peace before justice. The other way around, it's a threat, like "No Justice, No Peace!".

We’ll do whatever we can within our means, even if to call your attention to the issues and direct you to organizations who are working directly on them

And that's what you do best-- usually to yourselves-- call for attention.

We call on our sisters and brothers in the peace movement to do the same

Keep calling for attention-- don't actually do anything, because that's what Shrubya wants. Then he can send more warships.

For now, we can help you participate in the relief efforts in a way that is resonate with all of our goals for peace

That word! That word! Why is it always about peace? Is that because the entire pantheon of liberal vernacular is circular in nature, and only serves to justify and emphasize the gauzy liberal belief system?

to donate to relief agencies that are working to help local folks maintain their independence and self-efficacy as much as possible amidst the relief efforts

But still allowing them to go to bed hungry...

In sadness and hope for healing,

Not to mention with typical selfish liberal inaction (and praise for Gaia!)...

Andrea, Carol, Claire, Dana, Gael, Jodie, Medea, Tiffany

What about Pat, Chris, Toni, Terry, Micki, Ronni, and Jerri?

Those wacky Tuna-Packers...

Help The Moonbats

2005-01-10T01:45:00.000-05:00

PLEASE HELP THESE MOONBATS!!!

I don't know why fate has led me to this page, but I was searching for a picture of some ridiculous hippie to use for a My Dictionary™ piece, and there they were.

The all-too-common species of Chiroptera Luna Extremis

These unbelievable douchebags are blegging for airfare and seed money to flee AmeriKKKa! Let's all help.

I bet we can convince them to take our money, and to do it while providing us with a steady diet of Laffs on the way.

I propose that like-minded netizens organize to contribute, and that we simply ask in return that they provide us with some means of verifying that they have in fact left the country.

Holy Shit! I almost forgot-- I have a new "Assault Rifle"!

What They Really Mean™

2005-01-10T01:06:00.000-05:00

More hilarity from the Bright Lights™ over at the Democratic Party-- Democrats' shrill and silly bleatings will appear in , naturally, pink. Effortless retorts by Republicans will appear in, naturally, red, white and blue.

"How can we possibly tell millions of Americans who registered to vote, who
came to the polls in record numbers, particularly our young people ... to simply
get over it and move on?" Tubbs Jones said at a press conference with
Boxer.

What she really meant was, "How else can we further the notion among our incredibly gullible constituents that there is a reason- other than our own incredible lameness and lack of concern for those we purport to represent- that we were so roundly thrashed?"

Then there's this little gem, from Sen. Barbara Boxer (Communist-CA), who actually had the gall to shed her crocodile tears over this silliness while on camera--

"While we have men and women dying to bring democracy abroad, we've got to make it the best it can be here at home, and that's why I'm doing this."

When in fact, she really meant to say, "Bush Lied, People Died. I hate Bush. Bush = Hitler!"

Rep. Deborah Pryce, an Ohio Republican, had this comment:

"So eager are they to abandon their job as public servants, they have cast themselves in the role of Michael Moore, concocting wild conspiracy theories to distract the American public."

What she meant to say was, "Is that all you punks got? Is that it? No wonder you suck!"

White House press secretary Scott McClellan added:

"The election is behind us," he said. "The American people now expect their leaders in Washington to focus on the big priorities facing this country."

Obviously, he really meant to say, "You pathetic Chai-sipping wimps! You LOST! Get it? Got it? GOOD!"

Soon-to-be former Senator John Kerry (Communist-MA) conceded his craven lust for power thusly:

"Our legal teams on the ground have found no evidence that would change the outcome of the election," Kerry said.

And we know that he really meant, "We have had teams of slimy lawyers gaming every conceivable scenario in order to find a dirty little way of sneaking off with the election. We got nuthin'"

Why can't people just say what they mean?

My Dictionary™

2005-01-08T22:38:00.000-05:00

Urban Outdoor Enthusiast-

The new, more politically-correct way to describe the residentially-impaired. Not to be confused with Sierra Club members.

There is a subgenus, examples of whom have carved out alternate employment in the urban wilderness by helping to direct people into parking spaces, or holding doors for pay.

These are the Freelance Urban Concierge.

Worst Asshole Ever

2005-01-08T20:47:00.000-05:00

Sphincterus Magnissimus Inebriatum

This guy has to be one of the biggest assholes to have ever infested the P&P®.

I think his name is Tom, and I'm going to kick his ass if he ever attempts to latch onto me again.

Thus ends my particularly ugly series on the P&P®, although I may post a picture of this incredible flamer who let me take his picture the other night-- he was so vain, he never imagined I planned to mock him brutally for it.

Dangerous Character Alert™

2005-01-05T16:00:00.000-05:00

Smokin' Whiskey, And Drinkin' Cocaine...

This is Neil.

Neil has crazy, staring, cocaine-eyes.

Obviously, he can be found at the P&P® most nights, and can also be counted on to engage in certain pursuits of a *ahem* crystalline nature in the upstairs mens' room.

At least Slacker's still in Maine.

While we're there, let's make note of two other miscreants:

I don't know who this Hooer is, but she's sure proud of her tits. Rightly so, I might add, for they are truly magnificent.

Then there's Three-Finger Billy. I don't think much needs to be said about him.

This has been another Dangerous Character Alert™.

Regularly-scheduled Blogging will now resume.

Generic Alert

2005-01-04T21:32:00.000-05:00

Dorkus Mallorkus Extremis

Holy Shit.

As long as there's dumbasses like this running roughshod over the P&P®, there will be no peace.

Is this guy a Danny customer?

Hey dude, a village called-- they want their idiot back.

My Dictionary©

2004-12-31T22:50:00.000-05:00

Wannabeus Extremis Chiggerensis

Today's new word is Chigger.

Chigger, n.- (CHIH-gur)

Similar to Wannabeus Extremis Wiggerensis, or Common Wigger, but having been derived from Asian extraction. Most being the first-generation offspring of the original specimens, they are prone to assimilation of the feeding habits, plumage, and even mating-calls of the indigenous species, Homeboyus Hiphopulus Africanis.

Not to be confused with Wannabeus Garthbrooksum Asiaticus, or cHick, seen below--

Wannabeus Garthbrooksum Asiaticus

MUST. DESTROY. UN.

2004-12-27T19:42:00.000-05:00

Lookin' real decisive, there, Kofi.

I just learned something about the US, thanks to our noble Eurobuddies at the UNecessary-- all quotes from UN officials will be presented in, naturally, yellow.

We're stingy.

"If, actually, the foreign assistance of many countries now is 0.1 or 0.2 percent of the gross national income, I think that is stingy, really," he said. "I don't think that is very generous."

Then, this unconscionable Cock-knocker said:

Egeland said that in the United States, Europe, and elsewhere, politicians 'believe that they are burdening the taxpayers too much and that the taxpayers want to give less. That's not true. They want to give more."

We want to give more? WTF???

Maybe the L³ wants the more fortunate among us to surrender more of our earnings to their diabolical little redistribution scheme, but I sure as hell don't feel like complying.

I love how the EU^nuchs clings to positions like "Principle over action" in the cases of Kosovo, or Rwanda, where they dickered over the formality of intervening while people died, and now this "You don't give a high enough percentage of your wealth to international aid" bull-shite.

Here it is one last time for you microcephalic EUroTards who can't seem to figure it out:

We give the most in dollar amounts. Period.

When good intentions and noble principles put food on tables, overthrow dictatorial regimes, and rescue natural-disaster victims, I'll be the first one to come out in favor of converting our UN^necessary contributions into the EU^nuch currency of "noble intent" over actual dollars...

But as long as it's dollars-- my fucking dollars at that-- that actually buys shit, we'll stick to giving money, as opposed to mindless platitudes and pronouncements.

The sheer nerve of this pussy to use what is perhaps the worst natural disaster in modern history as a platform for his US-bashing makes me want to nuke whatever country this festering fuckstick comes from.

MUST. DESTROY. UN.

Oh, That War For Profit...

2004-12-17T23:27:00.000-05:00

So we're making money hand-over-fist in Iraq...

Between what we're stealing in oil, prying out of the Iraqi women we've forced into prostitution, the Iraqi children's organs we sell on the international market, and the gold and priceless artifacts we smuggled out after the fall of Saddam, that must make, what, one hundred trillion dollars? [/Dr. Evil]

I guess Chimpy, Rummy, Cheyn-saw Cheney, the Likudnik Jews/Neo-cons, and the rest of the Eeeevil Junta™ (and the Elders oF Zion) all decided that we were all making enough money from this illegal war (I know I'm getting tired of all those war- spoils checks rolling in week after week), and has thus decided to forgive Iraq's 4.1 billion dollar debt.

I know I won't miss the 13.3 million dollars that sum represents for each of the 300 million Americans.

Keep up the plunder!

In MY Dictionary™

2004-12-17T01:36:00.000-05:00

We're rolling out a new regular feature here at Bitter Rants-- My Dictionary™. The words contained herein can be words that I feel need new definitions, or simply words I have made up to remedy the lack of appropriate expressions for whatever I'm trying to get across.

To get the ball rolling, I'm re-posting a few words already blogged on in the past.

Tonight's first word is Waspa--

A stinky white fool.

Waspa, n.- (WAH-spuh)-
1) Short for "Waspafarian", used to denote a scruffy, white, wanna-be Rastafarian- or at least someone who affects the look of a Rasta.
Although they share many things, including politics, an affinity for Veganism, and the vile reek of patchouli oil, they are not necessarily the same as "Sandalistas", who have a decidedly more revolutionary, moonbattish bend. Sandalistas can generally be distinguished in a crowd from your garden-variety Waspa by their Ché Guevarra-emblazoned hempwear- a sort of modern-day, human manifestation of a Peacock's lurid plumage, used to garner the attention of the female Moonbats with whom they forage along the outskirts of Phish-concert parking lots.

Second, is "Marmalice"--

Stephen "Puffy Shirt" Marmel, AKA "My Sister Laughed At His Penis" Steve, originator of Marmalice (ed. note-- I swear to God I didn't photoshop this picture!)

Marmalice, n.- (mar-MAL-iss)-
1.) The malicious maneuverings of one man against another in order to try and dislodge a woman who he himself wants. Etymology derives from it's namesake- the puffy, effeminate Philadelphian "hater" Steven Marmel (c.1969- ), who was the originator of a particularly vile and weasely variant of this behavior, which consists chiefly of acting right under the intended dislodgee's nose. The only treatment known to have corrected this set of antisocial behaviors has been a vicious beating, generally administered in front of the practitioner's co-workers (in lieu of actual friends or relatives).
E.g., "Steven, you weren't trying to be thoughtful, you were acting with marmalice aforethought!".

2.) Deliberately attempting to fraudulently induce a co-worker to cover a shift, omitting the fact that said shift is in fact a "Cocktail" shift.
E.g., "Steven, you marmalicious little fuck! You didn't tell me that shift was cocktail!"

More words to come, gentle readers!

Another Dangerous Character™ Alert

2004-12-17T01:08:00.001-05:00

This wily fellow is also known to frequent the Pen and Pencil®, and also should be avoided at all costs.

Anthropologists are still unaware of the mechanism he uses (be it chemical or psychological), but the results are self-evident; every time I see Robrish in a bar, he's swept off somewhere by some hottie that I'd like to be pulling.

This "stealth lothario" can be observed in his wretched, ink-stained natural habitat at the AP.

Again, only the most dedicated of anthropologists should attempt to engage this specimen, and should do so mindful of their own peril-- he will abscond your chick.

This has been another Dangerous Character Alert™.

We will now continue with regularly-scheduled blogging.

Oh, The Things I've Seen™

2004-12-14T23:45:00.000-05:00

I knew some people think getting stoned makes for good sex, but this is ri-goddamned-diculous.

Dangerous Character™ Alert

2004-12-14T22:52:00.000-05:00

Do not feed, humor, or otherwise engage this man.

This Dangerous Character™ can occasionally be found at the Pen and Pencil®, and should be avoided at all costs.
Be forewarned-- once you have engaged this man, nothing short of outright scorn will stop him, or cause him to shut up. He will continue to blather until one or both of you are forcibly ejected (most likely him) by the doormen. He may even require you to beat his ass, as almost happened last Tuesday night.

The truly intrepid and fearless anthropologist can observe this unique specimen in his own environment at McGillan's Pub in Philadelphia-- but beware, ~~Pat O'Connor~~ this man is ~~a scourge~~ an acquaintance you will never shed, and should only be sought out for the most important research purposes.

DO NOT under any circumstance actively socialize with this man, as his mere presence or proximity will induce innumerable chicks who would otherwise be hot for you, to stay away in droves. He's like human chick-repellent.

This has been the latest Dangerous Character™ alert.

Regularly-scheduled blogging will now resume.

Another Beautiful Day In The Gayborhood™

2004-12-14T22:30:00.000-05:00

Okay, we get it already...you're gay.

As if we can't see the mincing and the swishing, or hear the lisping and black-girl affectations.

I mean, go ahead and be gay-- that's cool with me. But do you really have to let the world know you like to be "the quarterback and not the center"? I mean, that's kind of rude.

Neither do I nor any of my hetero friends have license plates that read "EATPUSS", or "TITZLVR", for christ's sake. I understand you've had to live in the closet until recently, but some things belong in the closet-- like an individual's particular interests in bed.

I don't need to know what you do, and I don't burden my gay friends with tales of heterosexual ribaldry.

Doesn't a rainbow sticker say all that you really need to say, guys?